Freedom is not for Sale to the Highest Bidder!

Your strengths don't give you the power to extend less grace. Your ability to stand firm, walk straight, deny desires, and hold tight doesn't give you the green light to look down, puff up, and speak death. Why does the church do this? Why do we take our abilities, our victories, our lack of shame and allow it to lead us to "point-the-finger-ville?" I don't get it. God, right now, at this time - change me. Make me a person who can walk upright in an area while embracing those who do not. Help me to know the difference between grace and pity. May I never use my victories, my strengths, and my passions as a moral compass for everyone else, as if I know what you desire to do, to change, to create in their lives. How dare I take what you have done in me and use it as a way to feel better about myself, or a way to shame others. Sometimes the church really scares me. We want to focus on things He doesn't want us to focus on. We want to draw the lines in the sand at the wrong places, while we push people away, erase any hope they have, send them running. The scary thing is - we do this with smiles on our faces while breaking our arm as we pat our own back. OH GOD, I want to be IN the world. I want to LOVE the world. I want to know what it means to live for others, loving those around me... when it's hard, when this world says it's impossible. When the pointing fingers of the church throw water on a fire almost started as they hold me back because of things unknown, preconceived ideas, or just their fear. I want to love the person in front of me, not because they are like me, but because HE loves them. Freedom for the one you judge is not about you. FREEDOM IS NOT FOR SALE TO THE HIGHEST BIDDER!!!! Freedom is free. It is for freedom that He set us free. That's it...like it or not. I want to love bigger, love for freedoms sake. Not because I am better, smarter, and not even because I love God, but because You, our perfect Daddy did that...for all. For everyone. For everyone. I want to know in my gut that your grace is either for the murderers, the haters, the terrorist, the bigots, the deadbeat dads, the drunken mothers, and the cheaters just as much as it is for the religious, the churched, and the middle class with morals. Either His grace is that big, or it isn't.

boom boom boom YOU'RE even brighter than the moon moon moon

When it's truth, it's truth. No matter who sings it! My family knows that I'm not a big fan of Katy Perry, but I love this song! I love the message that it shouts! I love the fact that these words of hope, empowerment, and second chances didn't originate with her or any of us for that matter. Yet, these words of hope, empowerment, second chances, dreaming big, and starting fresh came from our Father who lives IN us and who loves us. So YES, today I am laughing at myself by doing what will make some people roll their beautiful little eyes at me: I am taking a Katy Perry song and making it a message from God to us. Well, because the words and the truth that rings out in this song, about you and about me, is a message from God and originates from God! Read Below.

In the same way, let your light SHINE before men that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven. Matt 5:16

You are the LIGHT of the world. A CITY ON A HILL cannot be hidden. Matt 5:14

...in which you SHINE like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life. Phil 2:15

Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will do this: He will make your righteousness SHINE like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday SUN. Psalm 37:5

May God be gracious to us and bless us and make His face SHINE upon us. Psalm 67:1

Arise, SHINE. Isaiah 60:1

The LIGHT of the righteous SHINES BRIGHTLY. Prov 13:9

No one LIGHTS a lamp and hides it in a jar or puts it under a bed. Instead, he puts it on a stand, so that those who come in can see the light. Luke 8:16

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard-pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 2 Cor 4:7&16

Hope you enjoy the song like Gabby, Isabelle, and I do. Now, if you will excuse me, my girls and I have a bed to dance on, a volume button to turn up, and a hairbrush to use as a microphone. "BOOM BOOM BOOM EVEN BRIGHTER THAN THE MOON MOON MOON!"

Let it Change You.

The Lord is gracious, and slow to anger, abounding in love,
He is good to all.

Say that over and over. Let it change you.

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The Secret

It really isn't hard. You ask how to grow them up in me, for me, that they may not depart from me when they are older? You ask this day, and this is what I say:

"Teach them to cry out. Teach them to listen. Teach them to hear. When you teach them my presence, my presence becomes their own. My presence becomes their desire, their need. Their living water. My presence becomes what they can't do without. And when they can't do without my presence, they can't live without me. Teach them to hear and they will live with me. When they taste, they will see I am good. Offer to them what I say taste good; my presence."

It can never be taken away from them. Ever.

He Waits for the Perfect Timing

I love that He waits for the perfect timing. I love that He knows better when the road should curve and when the potholes will stop us..for a while. Just a while. Long enough for us to understand for a moment that He waits for the perfect timing. I love that a word in season isn't determined by the speaker of that word, yet it is being held in the hand of the Lover of our Souls until the magical words of mystery and life are able to do the full work in the passions of the receiver. And at that moment, and because of that moment, the receiver knows, He waits for the perfect timing. I love that when our human minds argue that we have been forgotten, time moves us on, our vision becomes clear, and then we see it, we know it, He waits for the perfect timing. I love that when life has worn me out and my everyday looks like the one before, I cry out and something happens. It may not be that day, but someday in a moment created by Him, newness becomes alive and living and it rushes into my being making hope almost tangible. And when hope becomes tangible, we know, He waits for the perfect timing. I love that sadness doesn't destroy me. It doesn't destroy me because in my grief his presence lifts me up to a place of relationship, of friendship that seems to always come. It comes when my heart is open, ready to be vulnerable, ready to be changed. And because readiness is determined by the one who loves us most, I know, He waits for the perfect timing. He knows the journey. He knows the struggles. He knows the tricks that sway us off coarse. He knows the potholes, the bumps, the obstacles. He knows. He sees. He has not forgotten me. He has not written me off. He doesn't draw a line in the sand and say, "this far is too far." He waits for the perfect timing. There is one thing that you and I can be certain of and that is this: For you, right now, in your thoughts, in your circumstances, in your doubts, fears, failures, and do overs, He waits for the perfect timing. I don't know when that perfect timing is, you don't know when that perfect timing is, no one does. In this struggle you are in, in the questions yet unanswered you will know soon enough that, He waits for the perfect timing. So trust. Ask Him how to trust. Ask Him how to wait. Ask Him how to believe, because His timing is never late, never early, never wrong. His timing is perfect. His timing will be like a glass of cold water for the thirsty, like rays of sunshine for the chilled, like a soft glow of light for the one surrounded in darkness. So hold on. Don't give up. Don't lose hope. His perfect timing is on the way. On the way to do a perfect thing.

Mommy Moments: All That Just Because He Asked a Girl to Homecoming

So I don't know what to say, what to think. I have this heavy feeling that sits on my chest like a ton of bricks that is light, but heavy enough to squeeze out the tears. If I could label the tears I would, but these tears are hard to describe. To be completely honest, they aren't happy tears, but they really aren't sad tears either. These tears fall as a mixture of feelings hover over my mind and swim briskly through my heart. And, as they hover and swim - I choose to grab a few, reach for some, and place them there, by my choice, in my head, and in my heart. These thoughts, these feelings; they are real, they are emotion provoking, and they are destiny. Some of these thoughts take me down a narrow pebble path that leads to depression, to regrets, to self reflections engulfed in guilt over the smallest things possible. Guilt over things as small as the pebbles under my tired feet but have the power to provoke such emotion, such regret, such... i don't even know. And then in the middle of pebbles becoming rocks of guilt is born a pride, a sense of real accomplishment, a joy that is so real and intense that a smile does it no good. Smiling while crying. Silent tears streaming down the face of a heart that is yelling. It's like a sunny perfect day and a rainy stormy day - all at the same time. I can feel it. It is here. I'm not going to let my mind break the thought and move me on. I choose to feel it. I choose to see it. I choose to open this gift, this moment. I choose to run into this intense, emotion provoking, powerful feeling of CHANGE. I like change. I do. I don't run from change, usually. But today, change is my enemy, change is my friend, change is my dreamer, change is my guilt, change is the provoker, change is the avenue into this heart so filled with bitter sweet feelings. There are so many mixed confusing opposite feelings colliding. Then it hits me. Right here, right now, I realize what's going on: I'm having a mommy moment. It's a moment that only mommies can truly understand. It's a moment that happens to all of us mothers and we usually have no idea how to describe the delicate, yet powerful, complex yet simple feelings that accompany these moments. Some of these moments are bigger, more emotional than others. Like when your 16 year old wants to ask a girl to homecoming and all you can see right there in that moment is his little head popping out of the crib with eyes of adoration for his beautiful worshipped mother. Some are smaller to the eye, but bigger in the unseen world of reality. Like when your 7 year old son gets a joke you thought he was too young to understand. Or maybe when your daughter knows you are sad so she sits on your lap, and in the sweetness of that 4 year old caressing your hair - you know she understands pain, and life, and reality. You know at that moment she is processing that life isn't about being easy, but more about being loved. Or when your 10 year old, out of the blue, says, " thank you for dinner" and at that moment you no longer resent the many hours in the kitchen, because someone you would die for noticed your labor was not in vain. Or when the picture they CHOOSE to draw at school is their family and place they call home. In that picture you see their security, their whole life, their anchor, and becaue of that - you know you can and will endure another hard day at work. It's a moment in a mommy's life that can come at anytime really, at any age of your child's journey, but it's a moment that really can't be described without ripping out the heart of the grateful and showing it in it's fullness. Mommy moments are about one of the closest places to God I think we can get. Right there, in the midst of goodness, fear, guilt, pride, joy, anger, regret, and celebration, there is calmness that whispers..."It isn't over. The best is yet to come. Hope is your anchor, Joy will cover you, My vision will prevail, fear is your friend." Right there, in that mommy moment of all mommy moments, I know that my 16 year old who asked me if he can take a girl to homecoming isn't the end of my life, but just another beginning. See, mommy moments are about a book closing and a book opening all at the same time, I thinks that's why they are filled with so many unable to explain feelings. The end of a season (as we know it) is gone, forever; and a season (that we emotionally can't comprehend) is approaching. It's like in that moment there is a collision of mommy mistakes, mommy fears, mommy pain, mommy regrets, mommy pride, mommy fear, mommy celebrations, mommy accomplishments, mommy joys, mommy pride, and mommy reality. It's a mommy reality moment that takes us on a journey of...um I'd say about a minute... but feels like a lifetime, and has the ability to create such gratitude, such happiness, and yet such sadness...because it's change, and because we know change is always permanent. Always. So, for all you Mommy's out there who know just what I'm talking about; Soak it up. Drink it in. Breathe deep the gift. Sit for a moment and really taste the feelings....the feelings that are coming, that are swimming, that are hovering. Let yourself actually catch, hold onto, and think about the thoughts that come in your mind so fast. Change is permanent, because even when it's small, even when it's tiny, it's never the same as it was. Mommy moments are a gift from our heavenly Father, who knows all about the intense love He placed in us for our children. He created it. It's perfect. So, CHEERS to mommy moments!!! Big or small. Tear filled or laughter provoking. I can't describe the things that cause those mommy moments, because really, they are different for all of us. But one thing this emotional, lover of my children, complex woman knows is this: No matter the age of your child, no matter the circumstance of the time, no matter the intensity of the pain, no matter the height of the joys, no matter the depth of the feelings, no matter the impact of the change, no matter the regret that passes through, no matter the could-of's or should-of's that poke, no matter the heaviness of reality, no matter the pride of accomplishment, no matter the sorrow of time lost, no matter the feelings so many: a mommy moment can only be experienced by a mommy and by far is one of the greatest gifts from heaven.

Miracles

It's really just all relative. I don't mean to sound rude, but your view and judgement of the situation really means nothing to me. After all, it's my miracle, and it's my God that performed it..for ME! It's funny how we try to make everything fit in a human, easy to understand, box. One day we will all be able to see just how far away our man-made box of limitations was from reality, from how things really are. I have a little hunch that we are way off, though. We place sins in categories based on the consequences they bring. Some, are so off of the narrow path that we wonder how the guilty find their way back. Other mishaps are more popular and easier to fall into, so those, well they're not so bad since we all have them in common. But, I don't want to write about our human placement of sin categories, because frankly, I don't care what your human mind thinks of my actions. I fear the Lord. He is all I fear. No, what I can't get out of my mind is our categories of miracles. A miracle is a miracle if it's the work of our God. So, you've never been in debt. Today, I paid off one of my biggest mistakes of a credit card debt I've ever made. So, you've never been overweight. As of today, I've lost 10 lbs. You rejoice because you have been married for 18 years and have a happy successful family, and that is your miracle. Today, I said goodbye to a relationship who kept me from freedom. You walk, run, and enjoy a healthy body. Today, I chose to accept that I was born to minister from this chair. You got kisses and affection from your father growing up. You know what it feels like to sit protected in the strong arms of your protector. Not me. But today, I saw my husband hold my baby and watched a generational curse lose the battle it swore it would win. You smile, look people in the eye, and walk with a head high in confidence. Today, I introduced myself to someone for the first time. You have never known clutter, and as a busy mother with depression knocking on the door of my mind, I rejoice in the organization of one room. Today is the first day that I haven't had a drink. I was genuinely happy when someone else lived out my dream. You speak those words so simple, I finally said them. There are miracles all around us. We label them. God does not. We put miracles in a box. And because of that, we miss so many. So many pass by without us seeing them, feeling them, tasting the joy that they bring. There are no categories of miracles. They are all given by the hand of our loving Daddy who wants good things for his people. You have always believed in His goodness, and that is a miracle. But, today, for the first time, I see He is good to me. Miracles are too precious and needed in our daily lives to put them in a box and label them according to our human perspective. What is a miracle to you, is just that, a miracle. What a miracle is to me, is just that, a miracle. The lame walk, the blind see, the lost are saved!! ...and, I just chose to love and forgive someone for the first time. It's the daily, often unnoticed miracles that shape us, create us, change us, and drive us. It's the daily miracles that impact those around us. Why do we take those and place them in a box with labels? The daily ways that he reminds us of His love, His truth, His promises, and His power should never be categorized by our human minds and labeled according to our feeble opinions. Nothing God does for us, in us, through us, and because of us should be placed in a box with a label. Big or small, loud or quiet, out in the open or in the quiet of your soul, it's a miracle just the same.

Today

OK! That's it! I'm sick of letting this powerful force of goodness deferred get the best of my days that are passing faster than I can blink! What is this thing that comes like a thief, taking time away from me, taking joy away from me, taking truth away from me? What is this thing that always knows the right times to dig it's sharp, fierce, always wanting destruction claws into my dreams, into my future, into my truth? Why does this ever present, ever lying, ever hopeless cycle always rear it's ugly head just when the weakness in me starts to gain ground? How does this powerful unseen force know when weariness has taken me to the end and when I am ready to settle, yet once again? How can this voice I hear speak louder than hope, louder than my dreams, louder than what I know to be true, louder than past experiences, louder than WHAT I WANT IN LIFE?? HOW?? Who created this enemy that desires to tear down what I have been building all my life? How can I not see what it does, who it is, why it strikes, and the good it keeps from me? And not to mention the constant pain it brings over and over and over again.... Why do I allow it's lies to take me back to the starting line when I am almost done with the race? Who informs this force when to strike, when to advance, when to destroy. How does it pick the right weapon, the right scene, the right allies, the right words EVERY TIME?? How? You disguise yourself as funny. You play the part well; making us think it's just an evil mask you put on for the show, when all the while, evil consumes you on the inside. You convince us to joke, to wave you off as harmless, as unable, as small. We all agree and laugh finding comfort in the fact that we all have relationship with you. We have all joined hands with your destructive ways. We have all believed your lies that whisper the hard truths into our ears as our dreams melt away...again, and again, and again.....Why are you here again? Why are you always lurking behind every spark of hope that gives me vision? Why are you counting the seconds to my weakest thought, weakest feeling, weakest moment and then saying just the right lies to make me give up, lose the dream, believe in my inadequacies? How do you know the odds that are stacked against me so well? Why do I hold your hand and lead you into my thoughts of fear? You are not my friend. I have to stop believing your lies. I have to stop allowing you to take me so far...just far enough to smell victory, smell my dreams, smell my truths...but never taste them. I have to stop you! This is not fun and games for you. You have a plan. You have a goal. You have a purpose. Your purpose is to keep me from my truth. Your desire is to keep me from fully being me! So, PROCRASTINATION, I call you into the ring! I must settle this score once and for all. This long fight, between you and me, is over...today.

Finding Flowers in a Field of Pretty Weeds

Oh, He covers us. There is always something greater happening. There is always something beautiful blooming. There is always so much more than meets the eye for us. This world is glorious, but it's really just like pretty weeds. They are pretty, but they are still just weeds. The something deeper, something greater, something unseen is the Father covering us and helping us find the flowers. Have you found the flowers in your field of pretty weeds? Have you ever wondered why every day there is at least one reason to smile? Does joy sneak up on you at odd moments; you know, the thought comes out of the blue and BOOM! ...your laughing, out loud, and alone? Does something happen because of a super dumb choice you made and yet somehow you are spared the worse consequences of that mistake? Have you ever prayed so hard for a sunny day and wake up to find that the 100% chance of thunderstorms is the most beautiful sunshine that you have ever seen? Do you ever ask God for something silly only to see it wrapped in a blessing and a tear a few weeks later...along with the reminder that you actually did ask God for that? Is the love of your life somehow so different than you, yet so perfect for you all at the same time? I know you know what I mean when I say: Has envy spoke it's destructive lies of selfishness only to be catapulted out like a rock in a slingshot because His love for you alone became so clear, so personal? Have you ever needed a friend... and one calls? Have you ever felt unworthy, useless, and unsuccessful; you know, just blah and dead to empowerment... and then right there in that place where the feeling is so raw, along comes a word in season that speaks life to those dead places again... but this time, there are flowers where there used to be just pretty weeds? Has your passion and zest for life come face to face with your weariness and repeated struggles, and as you watch the passion and zest get it's butt kicked there still remains a little on the floor to be swept up and made into something stronger than before? Did that call come just in time? Has a hug ever been just what you longed for that you melt in the arms of someone so dear, so needed? Did someone ever kiss you on the forehead or the cheek, you know - someone had to express their love for you and words - well, they just weren't enough? Can you believe how kind words build YOU up almost more than the person they are spoken to? Has a situation been headed for complete disaster in your life and then in comes a lifeline to prove He still hears you call out, and He still sees your bended knee? Do you always get what you deserve? Has what goes around always made it's way around to you? Have you felt the heavy weight of conviction but as confession moves through you like an obedient force, newness changes everything and you never go back? Has an answered prayer ever been disguised as an unanswered prayer... it's like God's secret surprise that comes just when you need it? Have you ever watched your child sleep knowing that in the quiet of that moment you are touching the soft skin of a breathing living miracle? How many times have you laughed so hard you cry, and will you not do it again? He covers us. May we always know, in the good times and bad, that He covers us. They measure their worth by the money in their pockets and the names that they speak. They measure their victory by competition with the weaker. They find their acceptance in a performance that will be forgotten. They search for meaning in a world so small it's held in the hand of the one who covers us. He covers us. We find meaning in the one who covers us. We find victory in the one who covers us. We know acceptance through the one who covers us. Our worth is measured by the one who covers us. He is always protecting, always providing, always shielding, always covering. For us, He is always taking what is meant for evil and making it good...... always helping us find the flowers in a field of pretty weeds.

Kari Jobe: You Are For Me

I know that you are for me. I know that You will never foresake me in my weaknesses.

The World Around Me a Little Bit Different

I never really understood why I give up. If I am meant to create a thing, be a part of something bigger, rise above my numbness, tread not-so-tenderly through the pain, run fast with my eyes closed past the tempting, yell without reserve in joyfulness, whisper words that come to life, reshape a human heart with my kindness, change your focus with my accomplishments, allow my prayers to make your dead places breathe again, fill the open endings with my own song, dance while others stand, and then watch them dance tomorrow, allow this open book to defeat the lies that want to hide, focus to accomplish so that victory is tasted, feel the greatness of a knee bowed accompanied by tears of surrender...again...and again...and still...all the while it feeling like the first time. I never really understood why I give up. If I am meant to fly over the impossible, bring my light to your darkness, place a band-aid on your pain, and then rip it off with laughter because you are healed. If I am meant to smile at you across the room, change your path, just today, to the narrow one, stand in the shadow, just the shadow of something great...I never really understood why I give up. When I have so much to give, to bring, to do, to change, to hope for, to reshape, to taste, to see, to feel, to believe in, to sing about, ....I never really understood why I give up. The only thing that stops me is me, the limits that take residence in my thoughts, my untruth, my truth, the last time i tried this, the power I give your words, my fears, my walls, my barricades, my past failures, my small thoughts, small dreams, small everything. It's all so small, yet so big, so defeating, so powerful, so empty, so limiting, so closed minded, so rooted in shame, rooted in blindness, so wrapped in a bubble of a generational "can't do thinking." It seems so clear to me now ...but I give up, I'm starting to understood why I give up. If I am meant to be at the end with no regrets, with souls that follow, with nothing unsaid, with peace passing understanding, with my arms tired from the toil that brought a harvest, with wrinkles of pride, with relationships that make my heart forever satisfied, with sins covered in a bright red stain, with mistakes made right, with the ability to change being my everyday song, with kindness as my countenance....with kindness as my countenance and the world around me a little bit different because I lived in it...I never really understood why I give up.

his mercy reigns and his mercy RAINS

Today I stand in the hot, hot, lack of breeze, what feels like 100 degrees, sun at an outside gathering of churches and think..."How can we do this?" How do we, people who are truly passionate about God and who He is in our daily life, be a light to this world? It's not even, "How do we save them, or how do we get them to agree with us..." My hearts cry, as I raise high my hands to the open sky is this: How do we be a light, a hope, an answer?" As I stand there I am thinking of all my friends so dear. I am reminded of the lives of those around me that don't know the mercy side of God. So many people don't know the mercy side of God. They know the greatness, they know the rules, they know the pretty and not so pretty picture His church tries to paint, but they don't know the mercy. They have never opened the door just a crack to see it. They have never moved in to listen to its whisper. They have never let its great shield be their protector. They have never allowed its rock to be their shelter. As I stand before the open sky today, I am reminded once again that being a light is being a light in the darkness. We, the church, have to go to the darkness. We have to go to them. If we are not strong enough to go to them, we are not strong. We shout, "His mercy reigns" from our churches, from our home groups, from our gatherings...and yes, that is glorious! Right in the middle of the gathering a storm blew in, unaware and without warning a heavy rain shower began to fall, and fall, and fall. So, I began to think... His mercy also RAINS...it rains when they, the lost, are dry. It rains when they are hot, and weak, and have no strength to go on. It rains when they are in need of a drink of water because what once brought life and newness, now is bringing weariness and death. His mercy rains where THEY are. In their hard places, broken places, messed up relationships, confused theology, and carefree insanity. Do we, the church, believe it can rain in their places? You see, it's not always about His mercy reigning in our midst, like us believers like it to be. It's about His mercy RAINING, and raining on THEM in their places. Do we decide who gets the mercy rain? Do we, the broken, hurting, screwed up, selfish, judgemental, and close-minded people get to decide who we allow His mercy to rain on today? Do we get to control who gets to feel the benefits of a mercy rain making all things new? Do we get to manipulate the faucet to hot, cold, on and off? NO WE DON'T!! ....but we try. And for that, in this open sky, I am sad. I want the church... and me, to truly understand that we don't get to decide who gets the mercy rain and when. We don't get to control that! We don't get to be around the lost and wonder their fate. We don't get to choose to hold back. So, today as you think of those in your life who have never felt His raindrops of mercy, know this: He is calling you to take them by the hand and drag them out into the hot sticky sun and stand there. Stand there and wait. Hold them tight through the dryness, the suffocating feeling of heat, and the thirst. Hold them there....lift up your hands to the sky and hold them there, because the mercy RAIN is coming. It's coming because you, the one who loves Him, has been in the heat, has been through the dryness, has felt their thirst, with them. I want to stand in the mercy rain with someone who has never felt it before. I want to see their hands lifted high in the heat, believing in the unseen...and then feeling the unseen hit their life like a sudden rain shower in a dry and thirsty, hot and cracked, dessert of a life. To see this we must no longer be motivated by fear and think we get to control who gets the mercy RAIN. His mercy wants to rain on them all. He chooses, not us. So, today, I run to the darkness. I run to the lost. I risk the judgments of the religious. I risk the comfort of my box. I risk the looks of the afraid and I run into the heat, with another.. and I stand there, no matter how long it takes, I stand there. I stand there and I wait....because it's there, in the heat of the day, in that last moment of desperation that me, together with another, will feel His mercy RAIN. And now, standing there, one more person is ready, ready for the heat again.

Depression

When you are happy, but sadness fills my soul, I will lift up my eyes. As you rejoice in a place of comfort and I haven't felt the warmth of the sun, I will lift up my eyes. When my path, not yours, takes a painful turn I didn't expect, I will lift up my eyes. When you sit and smile at the future, but I can't see past today, I will lift up my eyes. The loneliness in my head screams louder than your room of relationships, so I will lift up my eyes. A heart of steadfastness I cannot find. So as you raise your hands high at the finish line, I will lift up my eyes. While your peace is like a river, my thoughts are like a storm; violent, unforgiving, and with a dangerous goal, so I will lift up my eyes. Confidence is the lifter of your head, and my shame drags me lower, and then lower still, so I have to, I have to lift up my eyes. A harvest you see, and I am glad for that, but for me, my hands are too tired to till the ground, so I will lift up my eyes. You can see and hear the fans. They are screaming words of strength and encouragement along your way. I see my sidelines. There are disappointed fingers, pointing, wondering where I am going as I lose my way, so I will lift up my eyes. You sing loud your songs of freedom, all the while I hear the clanging of these chains that grip so tight, holding my dreams down, far down, so I will lift up my eyes. Motivation and money hunt you down and find its funnel in you. Motivation and money hide from me, knowing this vessel is damaged, no good for abundance, so I will lift up my eyes. You see life through colors so glorious. I see those colors too, but I can't get to them, I can't touch them. I just want to touch them. Oh how I want to feel them, but I'm scared. I'm scared to look at life through bright colors, I fear disappointment will bring it's promise to shatter, it's promise to grow, it's promise to change me, so I will lift my eyes. Bravery is your power while fear is my whisperer; telling of the limits, the limits you don't see, you don't hear, so I will lift up my eyes. You dance on darkness and tear down it's agenda, while I taste it's plans for me, agree to it's plans for me... everyday, so I will lift up my eyes. In the middle of depression so real, so evident, so here, I will lift up my eyes. I will lift up my eyes. For where does my help come from? Where is my help found? In the middle of torture that lords from within where is my helper, where is my friend? I cry out ,where is my help? ...and then I hear it. I hear the words that are spoken to my heavy soul, and to the heavy souls of many. I hear these twelve words and I am made new, maybe not at once, but it starts. The newness starts when the small seed of redemption shouts louder than my depression. This redemption shouts, "My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth." ...and so I say it, until I believe it.

God is Able! Thanks Shanen!

My daughter Shanen is OH SO WISE! Read her blog and be encouraged!

http://your-sweet-spot.blogspot.com/2010/05/god-is-able.html

His Mercies Don't Remember

His mercies are new every morning! They don't carry over from the day before. They don't run out when the limit has been reached. They don't worry about coming too soon; you know, too close from the last obvious mercy delivery. They don't wait for just the right time, or show up late apologizing. They don't skip a day, skip a season, or skip a person based on the circumstances involved. His mercies don't think ahead of time and schedule it's debut. They don't hold back and gain strength for the "important things." They don't think, "You know, if I give today, I may have to hold back tomorrow." And, although I may feel like the Sundy category is all used up in the mercy department...well, they don't remember. His mercies don't remember the day before. His mercies will never remember the days before. So, go ahead, keep your counts of grace. Let your brain number His good deeds towards you. Let your heart try to measure His great love that frees you. Allow your soul to remember His promises revealed. But, as for His mercies; they don't remember. They don't remember because they are NEW every morning. When something is new it is at that moment in it's most powerful form. It's able to do and be all it was created to do and be. It's new. Unused. Untouched. Full strength. New strength. When something is new it's like it never was. It's new! So, reason away His mercy all you want. It won't work, it can't work. They don't remember, they are new every morning. Hey, I didn't say it, He did!

The Beach Scene & The War Zone

We have to believe people can change, we just have to. We are going against everything that hope stands for when we believe that people are who they are and there is no way they can change. Where is the joy in life, really, if we think we are all just stuck. I have heard a lot of people in my lifetime say,"People don't change, in their core, they are who they are." What a lie! The lie exposed is this: I want to believe I can change and choose to not extend that same grace, that same hope to someone else. In the core of who we are, we have to believe that people can change. It's a tricky mixed bag though...because in the middle of knowing they can change we have to learn to love them with a love that looks past the "stuck" part. I have some stuck parts! The stuck parts of our lives are hard to deal with, don't ya think? It's like on one side of your brain you have this beach scene: breeze blowing, perfect temperature, relaxing in the sun... Then, on the other side there is disorganization: guns firing, thunder, lighting, storms everywhere, and just over all chaos. The stuck parts are also hard because that's what others see so often. We try to throw our beach out there, but without fail, the stuck side shows itself, and it always will. So here I am, admitting to be stuck in some areas of my life. In realizing that I am stuck I must realize others are too. The tricky part comes with the dreaded PRIDE word. You see, the tricky part comes when our friends and family's stuck parts are different than our own. The place in this journey where we think people can't change is when they are dealing with something, or are "stuck" in something, that we don't understand or don't struggle with ourselves. You see extending grace for someone should not be based upon the place they are stuck at. Believing in what hope stands for doesn't only have it's power in certain circumstances. You see, with hope it's black or white. Here is how it is; either you believe people can change or you don't. Either you believe your stuck places are like their stuck places, or not. There are no categories of sin in the eyes of God. A heart that loves himself more, just simply loves himself more. A stuck place in you is like a stuck place in me. One thing is for sure, I'm working hard on what surrendering those stuck places look like. I know in my heart that I can be unstuck. So with an unwavering hope I believe I can change. With an unwavering hope, I need to believe you can change, even if your beach scene is my war zone and your war zone is my beach scene. It's called hope people, and it's for EVERYONE!

"Falling Slowly" - Hope in Song Form!

"Take this sinking boat and point it home, we've still got time. Raise your hopeful voice, you have a choice, you make it now." I love this song, it just touches me. It's hope all wrapped up in song form. It's a song of hope, because even when a boat is sinking, it can point towards home. Anyone can change and things can always get better. "You have suffered enough and warred with yourself, it's time that you won."

Gently Lean In

You gotta gently lean into the feelings...

What good does it do to walk away, shove them down, or ignore their existence? You gotta gently lean into the reality of what you are feeling at the important moments in your life. Rushing in and falling victim to the damage those feelings bring is never good, and frankly only leads to hurting others. Walking away just subjects our hearts to hardness, hardness that only gets harder the further we walk away. Shoving them down is like filling our mind and soul with explosives that sit, waiting for the fire, the match, the one flicker that will make it all blow...and we all know it will blow, it has to. All it takes is the right ingredients at the right time, and there it is, for all to see - years of shoving it down all in one explosion. Ignoring it is an option that is just a fantasy because really, if it touches us or changes us it is humanly impossible to ignore it - God didn't make us that way. Jesus was perfect, and even He couldn't ignore what moved Him, changed Him, redirected Him. Even He chose to gently lean into the feelings. He didn't rush in and hurt those around Him, looking for blame. He didn't ignore it or shove it down or even walk away. He gently leaned into His pain and the pain of others. Gently leaning into the pain we cause, feel, and experience isn't being a coward, it's choosing life, it's choosing freedom. You see, gently leaning in helps us to deal appropriately in a crisis, in a time of need, during intense feelings. It allows us to make the most out of an important moment when actions hold power, so much power. When actions have the ability to steal away what we need most, each other. Leaning in gently is allowing wisdom to be your leader as it demands that pride, selfish ambitions, and the ability to damage someone sit in the back seat. Gently leaning into the feelings is allowing good to rise up. It's allowing good to rise up in great times, and in hard times. Gently leaning into the feelings is powerful, being of strong mind, having self control, and loving others more than yourself. So, my friend, when you want to rush in, slow down. When you want to ignore the feelings, at that moment expose the lie that you even have the ability to do that. When you want to shove it down, remember what having a peace of mind and heart taste like. When you want to walk away, remember you and the person involved, and know, remind yourself, right there, in that moment that relationships are eternal and is more important then doing what is easier to do. Because really, as easy as leaning in sounds, it's one of the hardest things we can do. Coping, being in touch with the truth, going to those places that hurt so bad is difficult. That's why we need therapist and doctors to help take us there. Leaning into your feelings is brave. It's right. It's needed more, in you and in me. Rushing in, waking away, shoving it down, or thinking you can ignore it is like inviting a cancer to live deep inside us and destroy us, change us. It's allowing that cancer to bring death to who we are, who we were created to be. It's allowing that cancer to kill us slowly. The effects of not gently leaning is passed down, down to the children we love. We don't choose for it to be passed down, but if we live in it, they live in it. If we do all but gently lean in, the reality of it is, they will too. So, be free today to lean in. Lean into your feelings, good or bad, with boldness and compassion, with intensity and purpose, with intentions and peace. Lean into your feelings and know that in leaning in we take back what was stolen, we taste victory where defeat once lorded over us, we see the light of hope where despair has blinded us. When we lean in we are healthy in body, mind, and spirit. When we lean in we are choosing freedom for ourselves and for the generations to come. We get to be free, free from bitterness, unforgiveness, shame, the past, the words spoken over us, to us and about us. We get to be free from mistakes, pain so heavy that it brings physical sickness. We get to be free... and I believe it starts with just gently leaning in.

The Now

What Will Never Be Again is Happening Now!
I am sitting at Buffalo Wild Wings waiting on a friend after driving down the street that connects my nursing school and all the restaurants we hung out at. Memories are both happy and sad, don't ya think? They are happy because, well, you had the experiences, the relationships, the laughter, and the talks. They are sad because a season is over and those days, like they were, like you were, will never return again. Things change, circumstances change, seasons change, and people change. I think it's so awesome how some of your dearest friends are people you didn't even know a few years back. That's so exciting because that means there are more to come; relationships that is. It's awesome how time, life's experiences and choices place people together, relationships together, and life's joyous moments together. I guess what I am thinking is to be learned while in this reminiscing state of mind is this: Soak up every moment, with every person, every time you are with them. Whether it be your husband, wife, children, mom, dad, sister, brother, friend, classmate, coworker, grandparent, or even times alone, enjoy the nows in your life. Always looking ahead, always dreaming of what could be, what may be, or what you want it to be, takes away from the NOW and the priceless joy and satisfaction of what will never be again. What will never be again is happening now. Dear mother of a newborn: What will never be again, is happening now. Right now, this child will let you rock him to sleep in the quiet of the sleepless night. Dear father of four: Right now your kids play in the living room without hiding any part of their personality from you. They are just there, to be with you, trusting you. Dear young adult: Right now you have a choice, so many choices, that will lead you to your destiny. Right now is a new start, just you and your dreams. Dear newlyweds: Right now you have the love of your life to yourself to learn more about what makes them live strong, and what brings fear. Dear elderly woman: Right now, you hold wisdom, knowledge, and words of direction for those lost along their way. You have seen so much pain and joy, we can learn from you. So friends, lift up your head, breathe deep, and soak it in. Ask God to not let a moment escape you. This world and all it throws at us is moving so fast. One season is sure to be the next before we know it. Be in the moment. Desire to be where you are. Allow yourself to notice, be fully engaged, and soak in the people, the smiles, the funny moments, the intense feelings, and the original mishaps. Allow yourself to fully enjoy what lies in this moment, in the right now; because, what will never be again is happening now, and I want to remember every part of it.

God's Goodness Shouts!

God shouts his goodness in the rain that falls to the ground today. In the sun that warmed the air last week, His goodness shouted out. In the laughter of my children, His goodness was heard. I hear the shouts of His goodness in the words of life spoken to restore the weary. His goodness shouts in the belly laugh of a little girl who is tickled to death and can't escape her daddy. In the crooked smile of a teenage boy who tries hard not to laugh at his mom's joke, God's goodness shouts. God's goodness shouts through the tears of a elderly man who lays beside his dying wife of sixty-five years. His goodness is heard in the heart of a mommy and daddy who lost their child and are free from the bondage and anger of blaming God. His goodness shouts in the prayers of a child, so innocent, so selfish, yet; so heard. His goodness shouts in the middle aged husband who lost his dream and gets up another day. His goodness shouts in the words of forgiveness spoken as it takes back the ground stolen in relationships. His goodness shouts at the grave site of a mother who spent her life giving of herself in service and intercession for her children. I can hear his goodness as a young married couple smiles and says,"What was that fight about, I'm sorry." In the hand that gives soup to the homeless, His goodness shouts. In the adoption of the orphan, His goodness shouts. In the smile of a child who is hearing the happy birthday song, I hear His goodness shouting. In an angry heart, that chooses to not lash out, His goodness shouts. In the passionate sound of a moving song, His goodness shouts. His goodness shouts through the smiles of the sick. His goodness is heard through the companionship of a dog, and the joy they bring. His goodness shouts in the smile of a stranger, in the card of a friend, and in the hug from a brother or a sister. His goodness shouts in the confession of sin, in the heart of repentance, and in the freedom of newness. I can hear His goodness in the protection of a father for his daughter, and in the love of a mother for her son. His goodness shouts in the midst of pain so deep and heart wrenching, that even there, in that place - we stand, we move again. His goodness shouts in our eyes that allow us to see past the now, having hope for the future. His goodness shouts in the heart that believes people can change. His goodness shouts. In pain, in loss, in sorrow, in joy, in friendship, in death, in birth, in emptiness, in plenty, in want, in happy days, in love, in anger, in fun, in us. In us...His goodness shouts. And it always will. Why? Because that's who He is, that's what He does. That's why we are here. In you, in me, in all of us, His goodness shouts and is heard from the tallest mountain to the deepest valley. In us, His goodness shouts. In our lives His goodness rings out. No matter if you are homeless in the soup kitchen, or famous in LA. No matter if you have made mistakes that the world labels unforgivable and nonredeemable. If a father who sits in his lonely large home grieving the loss of his entire family can hear God's goodness shouting, I can. If an African orphan who was made to shoot his parents then eat them can hear God's goodness shouting, I can. If a married couple who lost a three year old twin boy to a drowning can hear God's goodness shouting, I can. If a pregnant woman looses all five babies in her womb right before they are to come in this world can hear God's goodness shouting, I can. If the homeless who have lost it all and have no hope can hear God's goodness shouting, I can. If the innocent prisoner who has no hope for freedom can hear God's goodness shouting, I can. You see, this life does stink at times. There are times we want to escape for sure. God's goodness shouting can sound like a whisper at times, I know. But the fact remains: He is shouting. In the middle of a hard and lonely journey or one that is filled with relationships...His goodness shouts. Look for it and you will find it. Listen for it and you will hear. In everything, there is a sound of His goodness. There is a sound of what His goodness wants to do, whats to bring, wants to change, wants to restore. It shouts through mankind, through the steadfastness of the hurting, though the freedom of the prisoner, through the smile of the broken, through the surrender of the proud, through the patience of the busy, through the laughter of the oppressed, though the prayers of the weary, through the grateful hearts of the poor, through the peace of the angry. Listen for it, because if you don't hear it now, you will. It was here before we were, and it will live on past our memory. God's goodness is shouting and I long to hear.

What idiot said, "Knowing is half the battle?"

We think we have it licked if we know it! "I know. Oh, I know.Yeah, I know. You know?" I wonder how many times this gets said in a day? ...I'm guessing a lot! But God says, blessed are the hungry, not the knowing. To be spiritually hungry, you have to realize in the deepest part of who you are, that knowing something does absolutely nothing for you. I can see it more and more in me everyday. Knowing has become my greatest struggle in my desire to be hungry for God. I can glide so beautifully though this life and all it throws at me when I am confident in my knowledge...so I think. When I KNOW what needs to be done, I can win the battle, surrender it all, and influence many...right? WRONG! Misty Edwards says it so well in one of her new songs when she sings, "Blessed are the hungry. You said it I believe it. Hunger is an escort to the deeper things of you." Hunger is the escort. Being hungry is the escort to the deeper things of God. I have "known" this, but in my desire to go deeper I found the enemy of hunger: it's knowledge! I pondered on that for a while and came to the conclusion that many times I think that KNOWING I need to be hungry, is being hungry. That is simply not true in so many ways. Now - don't shut me out just yet, with the thoughts of already knowing this! :) You see, I believe we all live in that place of "I know" way too much. I do! Being in the place of "I know" blinds us and speaks deceiving lies to us that says, "knowing is half the battle." Since when is knowing half the battle? Let's think a moment on how stupid that phrase really is. Just ask the soldiers over seas if knowing is half the battle. Ask a woman, like me, who has struggled with her weight all her life if knowing is half the battle. Ask a mother who's child is dying of cancer if knowing is half the battle. Ask the deeply wounded who have daily thoughts of suicide if knowing is half the battle. Ask the doctor who just told a family to say goodbye to their father if knowing is half the battle. Ask a runner, or the poor if knowing is half the battle. Ask a new graduate nurse if knowing is half the battle. Ask a man behind bars, never to see the ocean with his eyes if knowing is half the battle. Ask the lonely, the sick, the dying, the poor, the rich, the famous, ask anyone really, if knowing is really half the battle. I believe the answer is still the same. There is no way that knowing is half the battle. If that were the case, we would have all reached our goals, dreams and well thought of plans by now. Knowing gets us nowhere. In fact, the bible clearly states that, "some are always learning, but never coming to the knowledge of the truth." ...But, I know, I know, Oh yeah, I know! Here is what I say: Let's stop knowing and start to hunger. Let's take the little knowledge this human brain can contain and let hunger escort us to the deeper things. Am I hungry for the deeper things? It's so hard for Americans to understand the word hunger to it fullest meaning. I believe we "Americanize" it with our experience of skipping a meal. Hunger means having a compelling desire or need for, having a painful sensation in your need for something, or being in a state of weakness caused by the need for something. To starve, ache, yearn or crave for something. To be in a place that you will do whatever it takes to be satisfied. After looking at it like that, it makes knowing a cheap imitation doesn't it? Hunger is an action word that requires absolutely no knowledge. A baby fresh from the womb can be hungry....and what does he know? Knowing we need to do something, change something, create something, fight something, build something, stand firm in something, trust for something, hope in Him, grow bigger in faith, become humble more often, die to self, stop talking, talk more, speak the truth, shut up for a minute, let patience be in charge, fight for a cause, not fight for a cause, letting it be about someone else, letting it be about you, pouring out your life with absolutely nothing in return, receiving something in return, hearing the hard truth, speaking the hard truth, dying to self, taking the heat, being uncomfortable, loving with a force that presses through the obvious reasons you should give up....you see, knowing we need to do these things, in no way makes them happen. In no way does knowledge move mountains. In no way does knowledge accomplish His will on earth. In no way does knowledge escort us into the deeper things. Oh, but hunger, my beautiful friend will take you there faster than the fastest man made transportation ever will. Hunger, my sister and my brother, will take you straight to the deeper, real, purposeful source quicker than any form of knowledge ever could. Hunger is the escort. Being desperate for the things of God, the will of God, the heart of God, the presence of God. Being hungry. Not being filled with knowledge. Who cares if you KNOW you need to love your brother when he is stabbing you in the back. Who cares. The whole world knows we need to love the unlovely. My question is: Do I hunger enough to be escorted into the deeper things, that in loving my brother, the enemy is defeated and God is glorified. Only when we hunger, will we go deeper, see deeper, feel deeper, pray deeper, persevere deeper, cry out deeper, hope deeper, pray deeper, think deeper, laugh deeper, sing deeper, love deeper, touch others deeper, change deeper, unite deeper, live deeper, and grow deeper. Only when we hunger. Not when we know. So my friend, my question to you and to me is this: Do you KNOW, or do you HUNGER? Do you just know you need to hunger, or do you hunger? Knowing will never escort us to the deeper things. Only hunger can do that. Hunger will always be the action that takes us to the deeper things of God. And in that place of hunger He promises to satisfy. Hunger brings us deeper and satisfies. He said it, I believe it. Who needs knowledge anyway?

Sunlight Making Me Laugh

I wanted to repost this on EASTER because it reminds me of what was purchased for us on the cross...sweet freedom.

The moon will shine like the sun, and the sunlight will be seven times brighter, like the light of seven full days, when the LORD binds up the bruises of his people and heals the wounds he inflicted. Isaiah 30:26

There are amazing things in the Word of God, I mean, are you kidding me right now??!! Think about it, He is making a point to show us how much power and strong energy He will put into healing our wounds, our bruises! You know those days that the sun is super hot and bright, so powerful that to even look at it, it hurts your eyes. Well, this warm feeling I am thinking of, is like this: Being in a very cold building, or house, and then walking in the sunlight and literally feeling the heat soak into your skin. It's so hard to describe this feeling of warmth that almost melts away the tense feelings of cold and of chills. As a soon to be nurse I know that it's our blood vessels opening and allowing the heat and warm blood bring life to every organ and inch of our body. Where our vessels have been constricted by cold, by shivering, by a tense, rigid guarding, it is now open, relaxed, ready to distribute the oxygen, healing cells, and warmth that flows in our blood. It is an amazing feeling of warmth and healing. I know you know what I mean so go there for a moment and read that scripture again. SEVEN TIMES BRIGHTER, LIKE THE LIGHT OF SEVEN DAYS...all in one....WOW! The healing he brings to us will be like the power, heat, and brightness of seven days of full sunshine. If you feel like you have nothing to laugh about today, my friend - LET THIS BE IT!!! But wait, it gets better... He says it's the bruises and wounds that He has inflicted. So, after some study, I have realized that it is the wounds we have allowed to come into our lives because of the choices we have made. It's the bruises we have felt on our own skin, in our own life, due to the consequences of our willful acts of sin we commit against our loving Father, against the ones we love, and against ourselves. He has allowed these inflictions, these wounds, these bruises. We have given Him no other choice; For the wonderful gift of free will and the choosing of relationship with the Father also comes with mistakes, sin, and wrong choices. So with that being said, it comes to this: The sins, the hurt, the past, the mistakes, the willful acts of hurt to others, the thoughts of choices that bring pain to lives around us, the words of death spoken through us, the unforgiveness we hold to protect our brokenness, the wishing of broken dreams on another because of jealousy and envy, the willful act of withholding love because we are uncomfortable with the vulnerability it brings, the feelings of rage directed to those who hurt us, the wishful thinking of getting even to those who injure the ones we love, the words we don't speak because it shows weakness and a need for another...all this, and so much more, He speaks to. He speaks to the sins WE have committed. He speaks to the consequences he has allowed to come because of His great love for us. He speaks to those things and says:

"The moon will shine like the sun, and the sun will be seven times brighter, like the light of seven full days when the Lord binds up the bruises of His people and heals the

wounds he inflicted."

So what is the moral of this long story? He not only binds the wounds and the pain caused by another, but He also brings healing to the bruises we cause and bring to ourselves. That, my friend, is sweet freedom, sweet freedom always waiting to be felt. Always waiting to soak into our skin and be felt by a warmth that comes with the brightness of a seven day sunlight and the strength equaling seven days of SUNSHINE ALL AT ONCE!! Heat, light, brightness - they all allow us to feel again. It's like a newness that brings a power to acomplish good things, love those around us, be a minister of peace. He knows that guilt brings the opposite. Guilt traps us, holds us back, speaks lies to our souls that says we will never move beyond this point. Guilt tells us we don't deserve to move, change, or heal. Guilt reminds us what others see, so we feel parpalized and stuck. Guilt always has a plan. His plan is to keep us in the dark, to keep the good hidden and out of reach. But today, remember this: Guilt is exposed. It is brought to the surface of our journey with the sunshine of seven days. Guilt is found guilty with a sunlight that is seven times brighter. HA! That makes me laugh!

bedside.

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. Proverbs 31:25 What does this mean really? She can laugh at the days to come? ...because from where I'm looking, there is nothing to laugh about. What I see happening all around me gives no reason to smile, much less laugh. There is such heartache, loss, and reasons for depression all around us. If you don't see it, you are turning a blind eye - choosing a coping strategy that I must admit is tempting to hold onto with a passion. Just today, a 69 year old man died in the room I was standing in. That is not unusual, being what I do for a living, but death isn't what was sad about it. It was his life that was sad. Lonely, alone, scared, fighting the inevitable while lonely and alone. I don't understand how someone can live their life for 69 years with people all around, and on this day, THE DAY, there's not one family member or friend to be at his side. It's natural that loved ones don't want to experience death, death so alive and living in a loved one right before their eyes. I can understand that. What I feel pressed to try and understand is, his life. What about his life leaves a place of empty coldness at his bedside? What about his life leaves a sadness and tears in the eyes of only strangers? What about his life, instead of happy memories spoken through tears of loss, leaves silence and a sound so quiet that it screams? What about his life makes a mark that very few miss? When I think about my life, it's not so much about me and my memories as it is the mark we are called to leave on others. The mark we are called to leave on our husband, wife, children, brother, sister, mother, father, friend, co-worker, store clerk, bank teller, garbage man, police officer, teacher, boss, enemy, opposites, people we don't like to be around, people who have wounded us, people we have nothing in common with, the adulterers, the liars, the robber, the two faced girl, the proud, the mocker, the devil worshiper, the buddhist, the slanderer, the child molester, the hungry, the poor that abuse the system, the high rollers, the rich, the sluts, the famous, the ugly, the deformed, the loud, the quiet, the ones who stink, the everyone, the everyone that walks into our days to come. Think about it. It's harder to leave a mark of kindness than it is not to. It's easier to go about your day, minding your own business, than it is to be intentional in touching and changing a life in your world. I don't think we are called to mind our own business and stay out of peoples lives..sorry, we're just not. That's an excuse for the fearful or for the selfish. Can you laugh at the days ahead? Because really, our days ahead are being determined now, today.

His lonely bedside wasn't determined the day he died. The room he died in was destined to be empty long before that day. When he stayed out of peoples business, when he chose to look away from the pain he saw in another, when he chose the easy path decorated with ribbons of comfort and lights of complacency - he chose his days ahead. He chose his bedside.

Can you laugh at the days ahead? Are you, am I, right now living a life that is sure to bring laughter? My opinion is that she could laugh at the days ahead because her life at that moment was filled to overflowing with the readiness that is needed for future laughter. Are we preparing ourselves to laugh? Are we living our life with marked intentions that are covered in love, kindness, compassion, and readiness? She knew she could laugh at the days to come because even though the world was falling down around her, she was prepared for love, ready for giving, covered in truth, confident in grace, and...clothed in strength and dignity. Destruction, famine, death, fear, loss, sickness - in the middle of it all she could tilt that head back and laugh from

a joy within. You will laugh at destruction and famine and need not fear the

beast of the earth. Job 5:21 She knew that when destruction came - she could introduce the lover of the broken, when famine came - she could give the bread of life, when death came - she had joy in the morning, when fear came - she had the sword of the spirit, when loss came - she had a friend that sticks closer than a brother, when sickness came - she had at least a mustard seed faith. She could laugh at the days to come. What brought fear and worry to those around her, she could laugh at! He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with

shouts of joy. Job 8:20 She could laugh. She was confident in her life at that moment that she could actually laugh at the days to come. Are you confident in your life before the Lord at this moment that you can laugh at the days to come. In some ways I am, but in many ways I am not. So friend, today I stand with you and agree with you, that we are going to live our life to the fullest now, so that we can laugh right now at the days to come. Confident laughter with a heart of assurance! That's what I want for you and for me.... Confident laughter that changes the lives of those around us! It's my inner experience having an outer expression! An outer expression that is changing the paths of eternal human souls, and meeting us, in the end, at our bedside.

The Holiest of Callings

Motherhood, It Will Change Your Life
Author Unknown

Time is running out for my friend. We are sitting at lunch when she casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family". What she means is that her biological clock has begun its countdown and she is being forced to consider the prospect of motherhood."We're taking a survey," she says, half jokingly. "Do you think I should have a baby?" "It will change your life," I say carefully, keeping my tone neutral."I know," she says. "No more sleeping in on Saturdays, no more spontaneous vacations..." But that is not what I mean at all. I look at my friend, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of childbirth heal, but that becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will be forever vulnerable. I consider warning her that she will never read a newspaper again without asking, "What if that had been my child?" That every plane crash, every fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will look at the mothers and wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die. I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think she should know that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will immediately reduce her to the primitive level of a she-bear protecting her cub. That a slightly urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a souffle. That the anger she will feel if that call came over a lost toy will be a joy she has never felt before. I feel I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might successfully arrange for child care, but one day she will be waiting to go into an important business meeting, and she will think about her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure he is all right. I want my friend to know that everyday routine decisions will no longer be routine. That a visit to McDonald's and a five-year-old boy's understandable desire to go the men's room rather than the women's room will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in the rest room. I want her to know that however decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother. Looking at my attractive friend, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give it up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not so much to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish his. I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor. My friend's relationship with her husband will change, I know, but not in the ways she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is always careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play "bad guy" with his son. I think she should know that she will fall in love with her husband again for reasons she would now find very unromantic. I wish my modern friend could sense the bond she will feel with other women throughout history who have tried desperately to stop war and prejudice and drunk driving. I hope she will understand why I think rationally about most issues, but become temporally insane when I discuss the threat of nuclear war to my children's future. I want to describe to my friend the exhilaration of seeing your daughter learn to hit a baseball. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real, it hurts. My friend's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret it," I say finally. Then I reach across the table, and squeezing my friend's hand, I offer a prayer for her and me and all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this holiest of callings.

My Pokey

I am so proud of my oldest son. He has a heart of gold, loves God, loves his family, and has developed standards that will protect his journey and honor his first love. He has always been a great joy to us. His joyful and happy spirit, even as a child, got me through the most difficult time in my life as I lost my dad. He is my only baby that my dad got to meet and hold, of my children. It's funny how as an infant my dad called him "pokey" because he took so stinkin long to come out, and to this day he is slow at doing most things! HA! Mike and I were tested in our faith with him. When he was a little boy, he was speculated to have JRA, and we were very scared. We prayed, in fear, and I remember Mike and I saying together that we would love and serve God, no matter what the doctors said. That was hard. From his "Cover Girl" song to his little sister to his desire to drive, he has done nothing but bring pride to his dad and I. What does the future hold? Who knows? One thing I do know, nothing in life will catapult you into faith like having a son that sits on the edge of manhood. I want him to just "get it" and not have to go though all the crap it takes for the "get it" to come! I want him to know that being kind to others is always the best choice. I want him to know that jealousy and envy only keeps you from YOUR calling. I want him to taste the joy of being an answered prayer for a person in desperate need. I want him to see that hard work is not for others, but for God and His eyes only. I want him to know that the ones we push away, we always end up needing. I want him to feel the freedom of a debt free life. I want him to experience the amazing love that a husband and wife have and how when you think the love of two in one is the best ever...you have a child! I want him to know that the bible is filled with, get to's, freedoms, uncharted paths, wide open opportunities; not, boundaries, walls, rules, and not to's. I want him to have a guilt free soul when his head hits the pillow at night. I want his love for others to come before his love for things, always. I want him to see stuff as wasting away and not worth the striving, and character as an eternal gift that can be given to our Lord one day, everyday. I want him to know when to trust his feelings and when his heart is deceiving him most. If he could master what I have yet to get: That even a fool when he is silent is considered wise, it would save him so much grief. Oh if he could just get that horrible feeling of wrongdoing when gossip shows it's destructive self in a conversation. If right now, he could understand that what is freedom for one, may not be freedom for another...and THAT'S OK, he could be spared some pain. I will tell him to respect and open the door for his date, but I want him to know what that does in a young ladies heart - it raises her standards, allowing her to see what she deserves. If he could know that touching, hugging, and speaking words of life to those around you is the greatest gift we have - just ask the blind, deaf, paralyzed and sick. So much I want him to know, taste, see, get. But, it's not for him to know right now, at least not on my timing. Life really is all about the journey through understanding all these things, isn't it? I wouldn't want to take that journey away. For it's in the journey that we fall in love with our ever loving, ever kind, ever forgiving maker, right? So here I sit, along with so many others, the mother of a fifteen year old son, hoping and praying for his journey to be as painless as possible. But I must remember always, life isn't painless. Life won't be painless for him. I must release God to do what is needed for my son to taste all the above....and that will be hard at times. I must release my God, not only his, to help me lead him in the way he should go, so that in the end, he will not depart from it. For after all, that is the most important. And most eternal.

Sunlight Making Me Laugh

The moon will shine like the sun, and the sunlight will be seven times brighter, like the light of seven full days, when the LORD binds up the bruises of his people and heals the wounds he inflicted. Isaiah 30:26

There are amazing things in the Word of God, I mean, are you kidding me right now??!! Think about it, He is making a point to show us how much power and strong energy He will put into healing our wounds, our bruises! You know those days that the sun is super hot and bright, so powerful that to even look at it, it hurts your eyes. Well, this warm feeling I am thinking of, is like this: Being in a very cold building, or house, and then walking in the sunlight and literally feeling the heat soak into your skin. It's so hard to describe this feeling of warmth that almost melts away the tense feelings of cold and of chills. As a soon to be nurse I know that it's our blood vessels opening and allowing the heat and warm blood bring life to every organ and inch of our body. Where our vessels have been constricted by cold, by shivering, by a tense, rigid guarding, it is now open, relaxed, ready to distribute the oxygen, healing cells, and warmth that flows in our blood. It is an amazing feeling of warmth and healing. I know you know what I mean so go there for a moment and read that scripture again. SEVEN TIMES BRIGHTER, LIKE THE LIGHT OF SEVEN DAYS...all in one....WOW! The healing he brings to us will be like the power, heat, and brightness of seven days of full sunshine. If you feel like you have nothing to laugh about today, my friend - LET THIS BE IT!!! But wait, it gets better... He says it's the bruises and wounds that He has inflicted. So, after some study, I have realized that it is the wounds we have allowed to come into our lives because of the choices we have made. It's the bruises we have felt on our own skin, in our own life, due to the consequences of our willful acts of sin we commit against our loving Father, against the ones we love, and against ourselves. He has allowed these inflictions, these wounds, these bruises. We have given Him no other choice; For the wonderful gift of free will and the choosing of relationship with the Father also comes with mistakes, sin, and wrong choices. So with that being said, it comes to this: The sins, the hurt, the past, the mistakes, the willful acts of hurt to others, the thoughts of choices that bring pain to lives around us, the words of death spoken through us, the unforgiveness we hold to protect our brokenness, the wishing of broken dreams on another because of jealousy and envy, the willful act of withholding love because we are uncomfortable with the vulnerability it brings, the feelings of rage directed to those who hurt us, the wishful thinking of getting even to those who injure the ones we love, the words we don't speak because it shows weakness and a need for another...all this, and so much more, He speaks to. He speaks to the sins WE have committed. He speaks to the consequences he has allowed to come because of His great love for us. He speaks to those things and says:

"The moon will shine like the sun, and the sun will be seven times brighter, like the light of seven full days when the Lord binds up the bruises of His people and heals the

wounds he inflicted."

So what is the moral of this long story? He not only binds the wounds and the pain caused by another, but He also brings healing to the bruises we cause and bring to ourselves. That, my friend, is sweet freedom, sweet freedom always waiting to be felt. Always waiting to soak into our skin and be felt by a warmth that comes with the brightness of a seven day sunlight and the strength equaling seven days of SUNSHINE ALL AT ONCE!! Heat, light, brightness - they all allow us to feel again. It's like a newness that brings a power to acomplish good things, love those around us, be a minister of peace. He knows that guilt brings the opposite. Guilt traps us, holds us back, speaks lies to our souls that says we will never move beyond this point. Guilt tells us we don't deserve to move, change, or heal. Guilt reminds us what others see, so we feel parpalized and stuck. Guilt always has a plan. His plan is to keep us in the dark, to keep the good hidden and out of reach. But today, remember this: Guilt is exposed. It is brought to the surface of our journey with the sunshine of seven days. Guilt is found guilty with a sunlight that is seven times brighter. HA! That makes me laugh!

"...that we might choose the dream of God over the dream of nations"

I read this prayer and loved it! I hope you like it too. I hope it moves you a little. I feel His heartbeat in it. I can hear God's agreement in it. What do you think?

God of of Abraham, Miriam, Hannah, Rizpah, and David…
God of Elijah, Amos, Ruth, Isaiah, Deborah…
God of Mary, John the Baptizer, Peter, Paul, Philemon and Onesimus…
God of Anthony, Ambrose, Dirk Willems, Teresa of Avila, and Francis of
Assisi,
God of Dorothy Day, Martin Luther King, Mother Teresa, William
Wilberforce, and Oscar Romero
and God of love, grace, and hope…
Thank you for creating a perfect world.
Forgive us for the mess we have made of it.
Thank you for creating Jubilee, gleaning, and Sabbath as patterns to
ensure that the poor are cared for, the earth rests, and inequality is
dismantled.
Forgive us for choosing the patterns of empire.
Thank you for using the weak things to shame the strong and the
foolish things to confound the wise.
Protect us from becoming too strong or too wise.
Protect us from ourselves.
Forgive us…
for the groaning of creation
for the millions who die of hunger and curable diseases
for warehousing people in prisons and using them for labor
for the scandal of billions wasted in war
for worrying about tomorrow and storing up more than this day our
daily bread
for an economy that mirrors the seven deadly sins
for our Caesars and our Herods
for the violence and greed in our own hearts
Save us from ourselves.
Deliver us…
from the arrogance of power
from the myth of redemptive violence
from the tyranny of greed
from the ugliness of racism
from false hope and counterfeit change
from the cancer of hatred
from the seduction of wealth
from the idolatry of nationalism
from the paralysis of cynicism
from the ghettoes of poverty
from the ghettoes of wealth
from the blood-stained pages of history
and from the legacy of slavery.
Deliver us oh God.
Give us the courage…
to bless the poor in a world that blesses the middle class.
to bless the meek in a world that admires aggression.
to bless the hungry in a world that feeds the already fed.
to bless the merciful in a world that shows no mercy on evildoers.
to bless the pure in heart in a world of clutter and noise.
to bless the peacemakers in a world that baptizes bombs.
Give us imagination…
that we might not conform to the patterns of this world.
that we might shatter indifference and interrupt injustice with grace
that we might choose the cross over the sword
that we might be as shrewd as serpents and as innocent as doves
that we might consider the lillies and sparrows as they shame Wall
Street’s splendor
that we might choose the dream of God over the dreams of nations
that we might cling to the God that so loved the world, not just America
that we might allow our Jesus to change America rather than America to
change our Jesus.
In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Amen.


Shane Claiborne is a Red Letter Christian and a founding partner of The Simple Way community, a radical faith community that lives among and serves the homeless in the Kensington neighborhood of Philadelphia. He is the co-author, with Chris Haw, of Jesus for President.

Hope Defeating Time

And hope does not disappoint, fail to fulfill the expectations or wishes of, sadden, disillusion, dishearten, frustrate, or fail to satisfy our desire. Hope does not cast down, come to nothing, deceive, delude, disconcert, disgruntle, dishearten, disillusion, embitter, fail, fall short of, foil, founder, hamper, hinder, let down, mislead, not show, ruin prospects, stand up, tease, thwart, and finally hope does not torment us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
Romans 5:4-6

Time always moves, so unthoughtful time is. It just moves and plows through life leaving it’s casualties on the side lines screaming. “Wait, stop, I’m not ready to move, I’m not ready to be your friend and run with you.” In our struggle to find meaning, time just flies, minding its own business as if what it has done to us means nothing. Time is supposed to be good, and yet there are day’s time is our biggest enemy. Sometimes time is the very thing that becomes the author of our depression, our regret, our fear, our lack of trust, our confusion, our accuser. Time reminds us that it has gone by before and will continue to go by, causing the damage it desires to cause. Time controls our emotions, when it chooses to, telling us it heals. It can’t heal. Only the truth of God’s word, of God’s promises heal, without the daily reminder of the hope we have, time can’t heal. Time, you will never heal. But today, time, I tell you, you and your wicked lies of shame, regret, stolen ground, and hurts…there is one who Lords over you. There is one who can transcend you. There is one who is in no submission to you. There is one who to Him a day is like a thousand years and a thousand years is like a day. There is one who can take all the damage it took you to create in a lifetime, and heal it with a sweet song of eternal joy. There is one who will stop you. He will end the strong control you have and the damage you do with that control. He will do what we, as His Children know He will. He will end your reign, continue His own, and the best thing about it…we will all be together. Those who you target for defeat and depression will be together and you, time, won’t be there. I will be there with my dad. Mike will be with his grandpa. Evan will be there with Tina. Shanen will be there with her mom. Mothers will be with the flesh of their flesh that you took from their wombs. WE WILL BE TOGETHER! We will be there with each other…without you, your power over us, and your victory in heartache. So today, I tell time, I tell death what the God of hope tells us all... When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: "Death has been swallowed up in victory." So time, you may a have a hold on me now and then. I may listen a little to the pain and lies you speak and be saddened by the ground you steal, but with hope in sight and with hope in charge, I say to you today, "Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death is your sting? For the grass withers and the flowers fade, but the WORD of the LORD stands forever." Did you hear that time, I said forever…something you will never know.

Deeper into Faith, Belief...

AND HAPPINESS!
I am so excited for my friend and sister Chrissy! I remember when I first met her, shy and wanting to be alone. She was always beautiful, and I was always sure of the great call on her life. Afraid of kids; now she is a wonderful mother. Somewhat shy and quiet; now she is a leader in life, as she encourages and motivates others. Watching her grow deeper into faith and belief has been an encouragement! Now, she launches this creative ministry of beautiful and simple jewelry; and I am blessed! Blessed because her jewelry is simple and beautiful, just like her. Stepping out isn't easy...even if it is something you want! I want to be an RN and it has been hard, but taking that first step was taking a step deeper into faith and belief. Faith because I have to believe that God and His people will meet me, help me, hold out a hand and speak words that bring life. Belief because I have to believe that the gifts and callings that God has put in my life are to be used, raised up, exerted, applied, utilized, and displayed for His glory. My gifts and callings can change others more than I can know...but, one thing is certain: if I just think about what it can do, and never do it, I won't ever know. So, yay! YAY to a dream realized and a dream at the starting line! I pray for each of us. That we would dare to jump in a little deeper into faith and belief and do those things that have been sitting in our mind to do. Just because it's not something super spiritual doesn't mean the hand of God doesn't rest heavy on it! Your dream is an avenue into your greatness! It won't fix all our problems, but stepping deeper into faith and belief will add joy to our souls, and make us happier people! So here ya have it - nothing super profound, just a reminder note. A reminder note that says: Wake up my Child and go for it! Nothing is too hard for me! What you want to do, do it. Comment your way to me and I will make your path straight. Straight....and happy! :) Also, as a side note: Tell someone your dream and let them join in speaking life and encouragement into it! We need each other! But...we need each other happy! :)
...check her jewelry out at the link on "my sites" on this page! ----->

From Gravity into Freedom

Sometimes a song just gets me, like the one you should be hearing now. (i took it off my page, but it's Gravity by Sara Bareilles). I love it when that happens! I understand that some of you may think this is cheesy, but let's get one thing straight...God will use whatever works. I have been listening to this song for weeks. I love her voice and her lyrics, but for some reason I have been drawn to this particular song. Now, I don't usually change the intended meaning of a song to fit my own life, OK...maybe I do. But, I'm sure the writer would be OK with that, right? It's art, left to the interpreter for it's meaning of how it moves someone, changes someone, releases the feelings needing to be released, right? Well this song developed into a conversation with my sin. Now, don't freak out, I don't usually converse with my sin and my weaknesses, but this song motivated me to speak to that which separates me from moving forward and on to freedom. I understand she is speaking of a relationship that is bringing her down, a relationship that she uses as comfort, for her own pleasures. One that she chooses to hold on to, hide behind, be comfortable in...sorta like that thing, that thing that we can't shake, that sin that comes back over and over again. You know, the one thing that you can't believe you let have it's way AGAIN, the thing that causes you to fall AGAIN, believe the lie AGAIN!!! UGH! For some of you it may be unforgiveness, doubt, the inability to surrender, to trust. For others it may be the need to control something you must let go of, a lack of self control, needing the approval of someone, lust of any kind, money, pride, insecurity, fear, being easily offended, gossip, the desire to marry, the desire to not be married, hate, or jealousy... just...THAT THING!! You know, the one we sorta like, but hate all at the same time. We want what we know, what we are used to. We want the good feeling it brings our flesh; not the rain it brings...and it will bring rain, always. It's that choice we make, and keep going back to, that reminds us that we are weak and unable to stand tall. It is , in fact, that sin that we need to speak to and say, "SET ME FREE, LEAVE ME BE, I DON'T WANT TO FALL ANOTHER MOMENT INTO YOUR GRAVITY." I don't think we should focus on our sin, but being aware of that which keeps us down, which has power over our freedom, is good. It's good because when it rears it's ugly head, it rears it's ugly head in a soul that knows it's power over my weak flesh. I'm no longer blind to it's plan, its desired outcome. Light sheds death on that which holds me back. Knowing, puts me that that much closer to the freedom that awaits, moves me closer to the freedom that awaits others, through me. Call me crazy, but in this sad, lost, empty love song, I found a way to say enough and no more. Try it!

Gravity

Something always brings me back to you, It never takes too long

No matter what I say or do, I still feel you here till the moment I'm gone

You hold me without touch, you keep me without chains

I never wanted anything so much then to drown in your love and not feel your rain

Set me free, leave me be, I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity

Here I am and I stand so tall I'm just the way I'm supposed to be

But you're on to me and all over me

You loved me cause I'm fragile when I thought that I was strong

But you touched me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone

Set me free...

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see

That your everything I think I need here on the ground

But your neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go

The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down

You're keeping me down

You're on to me, on to me and all over

Something always brings me back to you

It never takes too long

~In order that satan might not outwit us, for we are not unaware of his schemes.

2 Cor 2:11

~Sin is crouching at your door, it desires to have you, but you must master it.

Genesis 4:7

~For sin shall not be your master, for you are not under law, but under grace.

Romans 6:14

~For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live.

Romans 8:13

~In all things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.

Romans 8:37

~Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world.

1 John 4:4