Depression

When you are happy, but sadness fills my soul, I will lift up my eyes. As you rejoice in a place of comfort and I haven't felt the warmth of the sun, I will lift up my eyes. When my path, not yours, takes a painful turn I didn't expect, I will lift up my eyes. When you sit and smile at the future, but I can't see past today, I will lift up my eyes. The loneliness in my head screams louder than your room of relationships, so I will lift up my eyes. A heart of steadfastness I cannot find. So as you raise your hands high at the finish line, I will lift up my eyes. While your peace is like a river, my thoughts are like a storm; violent, unforgiving, and with a dangerous goal, so I will lift up my eyes. Confidence is the lifter of your head, and my shame drags me lower, and then lower still, so I have to, I have to lift up my eyes. A harvest you see, and I am glad for that, but for me, my hands are too tired to till the ground, so I will lift up my eyes. You can see and hear the fans. They are screaming words of strength and encouragement along your way. I see my sidelines. There are disappointed fingers, pointing, wondering where I am going as I lose my way, so I will lift up my eyes. You sing loud your songs of freedom, all the while I hear the clanging of these chains that grip so tight, holding my dreams down, far down, so I will lift up my eyes. Motivation and money hunt you down and find its funnel in you. Motivation and money hide from me, knowing this vessel is damaged, no good for abundance, so I will lift up my eyes. You see life through colors so glorious. I see those colors too, but I can't get to them, I can't touch them. I just want to touch them. Oh how I want to feel them, but I'm scared. I'm scared to look at life through bright colors, I fear disappointment will bring it's promise to shatter, it's promise to grow, it's promise to change me, so I will lift my eyes. Bravery is your power while fear is my whisperer; telling of the limits, the limits you don't see, you don't hear, so I will lift up my eyes. You dance on darkness and tear down it's agenda, while I taste it's plans for me, agree to it's plans for me... everyday, so I will lift up my eyes. In the middle of depression so real, so evident, so here, I will lift up my eyes. I will lift up my eyes. For where does my help come from? Where is my help found? In the middle of torture that lords from within where is my helper, where is my friend? I cry out ,where is my help? ...and then I hear it. I hear the words that are spoken to my heavy soul, and to the heavy souls of many. I hear these twelve words and I am made new, maybe not at once, but it starts. The newness starts when the small seed of redemption shouts louder than my depression. This redemption shouts, "My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth." ...and so I say it, until I believe it.