The World Around Me a Little Bit Different

I never really understood why I give up. If I am meant to create a thing, be a part of something bigger, rise above my numbness, tread not-so-tenderly through the pain, run fast with my eyes closed past the tempting, yell without reserve in joyfulness, whisper words that come to life, reshape a human heart with my kindness, change your focus with my accomplishments, allow my prayers to make your dead places breathe again, fill the open endings with my own song, dance while others stand, and then watch them dance tomorrow, allow this open book to defeat the lies that want to hide, focus to accomplish so that victory is tasted, feel the greatness of a knee bowed accompanied by tears of surrender...again...and again...and still...all the while it feeling like the first time. I never really understood why I give up. If I am meant to fly over the impossible, bring my light to your darkness, place a band-aid on your pain, and then rip it off with laughter because you are healed. If I am meant to smile at you across the room, change your path, just today, to the narrow one, stand in the shadow, just the shadow of something great...I never really understood why I give up. When I have so much to give, to bring, to do, to change, to hope for, to reshape, to taste, to see, to feel, to believe in, to sing about, ....I never really understood why I give up. The only thing that stops me is me, the limits that take residence in my thoughts, my untruth, my truth, the last time i tried this, the power I give your words, my fears, my walls, my barricades, my past failures, my small thoughts, small dreams, small everything. It's all so small, yet so big, so defeating, so powerful, so empty, so limiting, so closed minded, so rooted in shame, rooted in blindness, so wrapped in a bubble of a generational "can't do thinking." It seems so clear to me now ...but I give up, I'm starting to understood why I give up. If I am meant to be at the end with no regrets, with souls that follow, with nothing unsaid, with peace passing understanding, with my arms tired from the toil that brought a harvest, with wrinkles of pride, with relationships that make my heart forever satisfied, with sins covered in a bright red stain, with mistakes made right, with the ability to change being my everyday song, with kindness as my countenance....with kindness as my countenance and the world around me a little bit different because I lived in it...I never really understood why I give up.