My Pokey

I am so proud of my oldest son. He has a heart of gold, loves God, loves his family, and has developed standards that will protect his journey and honor his first love. He has always been a great joy to us. His joyful and happy spirit, even as a child, got me through the most difficult time in my life as I lost my dad. He is my only baby that my dad got to meet and hold, of my children. It's funny how as an infant my dad called him "pokey" because he took so stinkin long to come out, and to this day he is slow at doing most things! HA! Mike and I were tested in our faith with him. When he was a little boy, he was speculated to have JRA, and we were very scared. We prayed, in fear, and I remember Mike and I saying together that we would love and serve God, no matter what the doctors said. That was hard. From his "Cover Girl" song to his little sister to his desire to drive, he has done nothing but bring pride to his dad and I. What does the future hold? Who knows? One thing I do know, nothing in life will catapult you into faith like having a son that sits on the edge of manhood. I want him to just "get it" and not have to go though all the crap it takes for the "get it" to come! I want him to know that being kind to others is always the best choice. I want him to know that jealousy and envy only keeps you from YOUR calling. I want him to taste the joy of being an answered prayer for a person in desperate need. I want him to see that hard work is not for others, but for God and His eyes only. I want him to know that the ones we push away, we always end up needing. I want him to feel the freedom of a debt free life. I want him to experience the amazing love that a husband and wife have and how when you think the love of two in one is the best ever...you have a child! I want him to know that the bible is filled with, get to's, freedoms, uncharted paths, wide open opportunities; not, boundaries, walls, rules, and not to's. I want him to have a guilt free soul when his head hits the pillow at night. I want his love for others to come before his love for things, always. I want him to see stuff as wasting away and not worth the striving, and character as an eternal gift that can be given to our Lord one day, everyday. I want him to know when to trust his feelings and when his heart is deceiving him most. If he could master what I have yet to get: That even a fool when he is silent is considered wise, it would save him so much grief. Oh if he could just get that horrible feeling of wrongdoing when gossip shows it's destructive self in a conversation. If right now, he could understand that what is freedom for one, may not be freedom for another...and THAT'S OK, he could be spared some pain. I will tell him to respect and open the door for his date, but I want him to know what that does in a young ladies heart - it raises her standards, allowing her to see what she deserves. If he could know that touching, hugging, and speaking words of life to those around you is the greatest gift we have - just ask the blind, deaf, paralyzed and sick. So much I want him to know, taste, see, get. But, it's not for him to know right now, at least not on my timing. Life really is all about the journey through understanding all these things, isn't it? I wouldn't want to take that journey away. For it's in the journey that we fall in love with our ever loving, ever kind, ever forgiving maker, right? So here I sit, along with so many others, the mother of a fifteen year old son, hoping and praying for his journey to be as painless as possible. But I must remember always, life isn't painless. Life won't be painless for him. I must release God to do what is needed for my son to taste all the above....and that will be hard at times. I must release my God, not only his, to help me lead him in the way he should go, so that in the end, he will not depart from it. For after all, that is the most important. And most eternal.