Gently Lean In

You gotta gently lean into the feelings...

What good does it do to walk away, shove them down, or ignore their existence? You gotta gently lean into the reality of what you are feeling at the important moments in your life. Rushing in and falling victim to the damage those feelings bring is never good, and frankly only leads to hurting others. Walking away just subjects our hearts to hardness, hardness that only gets harder the further we walk away. Shoving them down is like filling our mind and soul with explosives that sit, waiting for the fire, the match, the one flicker that will make it all blow...and we all know it will blow, it has to. All it takes is the right ingredients at the right time, and there it is, for all to see - years of shoving it down all in one explosion. Ignoring it is an option that is just a fantasy because really, if it touches us or changes us it is humanly impossible to ignore it - God didn't make us that way. Jesus was perfect, and even He couldn't ignore what moved Him, changed Him, redirected Him. Even He chose to gently lean into the feelings. He didn't rush in and hurt those around Him, looking for blame. He didn't ignore it or shove it down or even walk away. He gently leaned into His pain and the pain of others. Gently leaning into the pain we cause, feel, and experience isn't being a coward, it's choosing life, it's choosing freedom. You see, gently leaning in helps us to deal appropriately in a crisis, in a time of need, during intense feelings. It allows us to make the most out of an important moment when actions hold power, so much power. When actions have the ability to steal away what we need most, each other. Leaning in gently is allowing wisdom to be your leader as it demands that pride, selfish ambitions, and the ability to damage someone sit in the back seat. Gently leaning into the feelings is allowing good to rise up. It's allowing good to rise up in great times, and in hard times. Gently leaning into the feelings is powerful, being of strong mind, having self control, and loving others more than yourself. So, my friend, when you want to rush in, slow down. When you want to ignore the feelings, at that moment expose the lie that you even have the ability to do that. When you want to shove it down, remember what having a peace of mind and heart taste like. When you want to walk away, remember you and the person involved, and know, remind yourself, right there, in that moment that relationships are eternal and is more important then doing what is easier to do. Because really, as easy as leaning in sounds, it's one of the hardest things we can do. Coping, being in touch with the truth, going to those places that hurt so bad is difficult. That's why we need therapist and doctors to help take us there. Leaning into your feelings is brave. It's right. It's needed more, in you and in me. Rushing in, waking away, shoving it down, or thinking you can ignore it is like inviting a cancer to live deep inside us and destroy us, change us. It's allowing that cancer to bring death to who we are, who we were created to be. It's allowing that cancer to kill us slowly. The effects of not gently leaning is passed down, down to the children we love. We don't choose for it to be passed down, but if we live in it, they live in it. If we do all but gently lean in, the reality of it is, they will too. So, be free today to lean in. Lean into your feelings, good or bad, with boldness and compassion, with intensity and purpose, with intentions and peace. Lean into your feelings and know that in leaning in we take back what was stolen, we taste victory where defeat once lorded over us, we see the light of hope where despair has blinded us. When we lean in we are healthy in body, mind, and spirit. When we lean in we are choosing freedom for ourselves and for the generations to come. We get to be free, free from bitterness, unforgiveness, shame, the past, the words spoken over us, to us and about us. We get to be free from mistakes, pain so heavy that it brings physical sickness. We get to be free... and I believe it starts with just gently leaning in.

The Now

What Will Never Be Again is Happening Now!
I am sitting at Buffalo Wild Wings waiting on a friend after driving down the street that connects my nursing school and all the restaurants we hung out at. Memories are both happy and sad, don't ya think? They are happy because, well, you had the experiences, the relationships, the laughter, and the talks. They are sad because a season is over and those days, like they were, like you were, will never return again. Things change, circumstances change, seasons change, and people change. I think it's so awesome how some of your dearest friends are people you didn't even know a few years back. That's so exciting because that means there are more to come; relationships that is. It's awesome how time, life's experiences and choices place people together, relationships together, and life's joyous moments together. I guess what I am thinking is to be learned while in this reminiscing state of mind is this: Soak up every moment, with every person, every time you are with them. Whether it be your husband, wife, children, mom, dad, sister, brother, friend, classmate, coworker, grandparent, or even times alone, enjoy the nows in your life. Always looking ahead, always dreaming of what could be, what may be, or what you want it to be, takes away from the NOW and the priceless joy and satisfaction of what will never be again. What will never be again is happening now. Dear mother of a newborn: What will never be again, is happening now. Right now, this child will let you rock him to sleep in the quiet of the sleepless night. Dear father of four: Right now your kids play in the living room without hiding any part of their personality from you. They are just there, to be with you, trusting you. Dear young adult: Right now you have a choice, so many choices, that will lead you to your destiny. Right now is a new start, just you and your dreams. Dear newlyweds: Right now you have the love of your life to yourself to learn more about what makes them live strong, and what brings fear. Dear elderly woman: Right now, you hold wisdom, knowledge, and words of direction for those lost along their way. You have seen so much pain and joy, we can learn from you. So friends, lift up your head, breathe deep, and soak it in. Ask God to not let a moment escape you. This world and all it throws at us is moving so fast. One season is sure to be the next before we know it. Be in the moment. Desire to be where you are. Allow yourself to notice, be fully engaged, and soak in the people, the smiles, the funny moments, the intense feelings, and the original mishaps. Allow yourself to fully enjoy what lies in this moment, in the right now; because, what will never be again is happening now, and I want to remember every part of it.

God's Goodness Shouts!

God shouts his goodness in the rain that falls to the ground today. In the sun that warmed the air last week, His goodness shouted out. In the laughter of my children, His goodness was heard. I hear the shouts of His goodness in the words of life spoken to restore the weary. His goodness shouts in the belly laugh of a little girl who is tickled to death and can't escape her daddy. In the crooked smile of a teenage boy who tries hard not to laugh at his mom's joke, God's goodness shouts. God's goodness shouts through the tears of a elderly man who lays beside his dying wife of sixty-five years. His goodness is heard in the heart of a mommy and daddy who lost their child and are free from the bondage and anger of blaming God. His goodness shouts in the prayers of a child, so innocent, so selfish, yet; so heard. His goodness shouts in the middle aged husband who lost his dream and gets up another day. His goodness shouts in the words of forgiveness spoken as it takes back the ground stolen in relationships. His goodness shouts at the grave site of a mother who spent her life giving of herself in service and intercession for her children. I can hear his goodness as a young married couple smiles and says,"What was that fight about, I'm sorry." In the hand that gives soup to the homeless, His goodness shouts. In the adoption of the orphan, His goodness shouts. In the smile of a child who is hearing the happy birthday song, I hear His goodness shouting. In an angry heart, that chooses to not lash out, His goodness shouts. In the passionate sound of a moving song, His goodness shouts. His goodness shouts through the smiles of the sick. His goodness is heard through the companionship of a dog, and the joy they bring. His goodness shouts in the smile of a stranger, in the card of a friend, and in the hug from a brother or a sister. His goodness shouts in the confession of sin, in the heart of repentance, and in the freedom of newness. I can hear His goodness in the protection of a father for his daughter, and in the love of a mother for her son. His goodness shouts in the midst of pain so deep and heart wrenching, that even there, in that place - we stand, we move again. His goodness shouts in our eyes that allow us to see past the now, having hope for the future. His goodness shouts in the heart that believes people can change. His goodness shouts. In pain, in loss, in sorrow, in joy, in friendship, in death, in birth, in emptiness, in plenty, in want, in happy days, in love, in anger, in fun, in us. In us...His goodness shouts. And it always will. Why? Because that's who He is, that's what He does. That's why we are here. In you, in me, in all of us, His goodness shouts and is heard from the tallest mountain to the deepest valley. In us, His goodness shouts. In our lives His goodness rings out. No matter if you are homeless in the soup kitchen, or famous in LA. No matter if you have made mistakes that the world labels unforgivable and nonredeemable. If a father who sits in his lonely large home grieving the loss of his entire family can hear God's goodness shouting, I can. If an African orphan who was made to shoot his parents then eat them can hear God's goodness shouting, I can. If a married couple who lost a three year old twin boy to a drowning can hear God's goodness shouting, I can. If a pregnant woman looses all five babies in her womb right before they are to come in this world can hear God's goodness shouting, I can. If the homeless who have lost it all and have no hope can hear God's goodness shouting, I can. If the innocent prisoner who has no hope for freedom can hear God's goodness shouting, I can. You see, this life does stink at times. There are times we want to escape for sure. God's goodness shouting can sound like a whisper at times, I know. But the fact remains: He is shouting. In the middle of a hard and lonely journey or one that is filled with relationships...His goodness shouts. Look for it and you will find it. Listen for it and you will hear. In everything, there is a sound of His goodness. There is a sound of what His goodness wants to do, whats to bring, wants to change, wants to restore. It shouts through mankind, through the steadfastness of the hurting, though the freedom of the prisoner, through the smile of the broken, through the surrender of the proud, through the patience of the busy, through the laughter of the oppressed, though the prayers of the weary, through the grateful hearts of the poor, through the peace of the angry. Listen for it, because if you don't hear it now, you will. It was here before we were, and it will live on past our memory. God's goodness is shouting and I long to hear.

What idiot said, "Knowing is half the battle?"

We think we have it licked if we know it! "I know. Oh, I know.Yeah, I know. You know?" I wonder how many times this gets said in a day? ...I'm guessing a lot! But God says, blessed are the hungry, not the knowing. To be spiritually hungry, you have to realize in the deepest part of who you are, that knowing something does absolutely nothing for you. I can see it more and more in me everyday. Knowing has become my greatest struggle in my desire to be hungry for God. I can glide so beautifully though this life and all it throws at me when I am confident in my knowledge...so I think. When I KNOW what needs to be done, I can win the battle, surrender it all, and influence many...right? WRONG! Misty Edwards says it so well in one of her new songs when she sings, "Blessed are the hungry. You said it I believe it. Hunger is an escort to the deeper things of you." Hunger is the escort. Being hungry is the escort to the deeper things of God. I have "known" this, but in my desire to go deeper I found the enemy of hunger: it's knowledge! I pondered on that for a while and came to the conclusion that many times I think that KNOWING I need to be hungry, is being hungry. That is simply not true in so many ways. Now - don't shut me out just yet, with the thoughts of already knowing this! :) You see, I believe we all live in that place of "I know" way too much. I do! Being in the place of "I know" blinds us and speaks deceiving lies to us that says, "knowing is half the battle." Since when is knowing half the battle? Let's think a moment on how stupid that phrase really is. Just ask the soldiers over seas if knowing is half the battle. Ask a woman, like me, who has struggled with her weight all her life if knowing is half the battle. Ask a mother who's child is dying of cancer if knowing is half the battle. Ask the deeply wounded who have daily thoughts of suicide if knowing is half the battle. Ask the doctor who just told a family to say goodbye to their father if knowing is half the battle. Ask a runner, or the poor if knowing is half the battle. Ask a new graduate nurse if knowing is half the battle. Ask a man behind bars, never to see the ocean with his eyes if knowing is half the battle. Ask the lonely, the sick, the dying, the poor, the rich, the famous, ask anyone really, if knowing is really half the battle. I believe the answer is still the same. There is no way that knowing is half the battle. If that were the case, we would have all reached our goals, dreams and well thought of plans by now. Knowing gets us nowhere. In fact, the bible clearly states that, "some are always learning, but never coming to the knowledge of the truth." ...But, I know, I know, Oh yeah, I know! Here is what I say: Let's stop knowing and start to hunger. Let's take the little knowledge this human brain can contain and let hunger escort us to the deeper things. Am I hungry for the deeper things? It's so hard for Americans to understand the word hunger to it fullest meaning. I believe we "Americanize" it with our experience of skipping a meal. Hunger means having a compelling desire or need for, having a painful sensation in your need for something, or being in a state of weakness caused by the need for something. To starve, ache, yearn or crave for something. To be in a place that you will do whatever it takes to be satisfied. After looking at it like that, it makes knowing a cheap imitation doesn't it? Hunger is an action word that requires absolutely no knowledge. A baby fresh from the womb can be hungry....and what does he know? Knowing we need to do something, change something, create something, fight something, build something, stand firm in something, trust for something, hope in Him, grow bigger in faith, become humble more often, die to self, stop talking, talk more, speak the truth, shut up for a minute, let patience be in charge, fight for a cause, not fight for a cause, letting it be about someone else, letting it be about you, pouring out your life with absolutely nothing in return, receiving something in return, hearing the hard truth, speaking the hard truth, dying to self, taking the heat, being uncomfortable, loving with a force that presses through the obvious reasons you should give up....you see, knowing we need to do these things, in no way makes them happen. In no way does knowledge move mountains. In no way does knowledge accomplish His will on earth. In no way does knowledge escort us into the deeper things. Oh, but hunger, my beautiful friend will take you there faster than the fastest man made transportation ever will. Hunger, my sister and my brother, will take you straight to the deeper, real, purposeful source quicker than any form of knowledge ever could. Hunger is the escort. Being desperate for the things of God, the will of God, the heart of God, the presence of God. Being hungry. Not being filled with knowledge. Who cares if you KNOW you need to love your brother when he is stabbing you in the back. Who cares. The whole world knows we need to love the unlovely. My question is: Do I hunger enough to be escorted into the deeper things, that in loving my brother, the enemy is defeated and God is glorified. Only when we hunger, will we go deeper, see deeper, feel deeper, pray deeper, persevere deeper, cry out deeper, hope deeper, pray deeper, think deeper, laugh deeper, sing deeper, love deeper, touch others deeper, change deeper, unite deeper, live deeper, and grow deeper. Only when we hunger. Not when we know. So my friend, my question to you and to me is this: Do you KNOW, or do you HUNGER? Do you just know you need to hunger, or do you hunger? Knowing will never escort us to the deeper things. Only hunger can do that. Hunger will always be the action that takes us to the deeper things of God. And in that place of hunger He promises to satisfy. Hunger brings us deeper and satisfies. He said it, I believe it. Who needs knowledge anyway?

Sunlight Making Me Laugh

I wanted to repost this on EASTER because it reminds me of what was purchased for us on the cross...sweet freedom.

The moon will shine like the sun, and the sunlight will be seven times brighter, like the light of seven full days, when the LORD binds up the bruises of his people and heals the wounds he inflicted. Isaiah 30:26

There are amazing things in the Word of God, I mean, are you kidding me right now??!! Think about it, He is making a point to show us how much power and strong energy He will put into healing our wounds, our bruises! You know those days that the sun is super hot and bright, so powerful that to even look at it, it hurts your eyes. Well, this warm feeling I am thinking of, is like this: Being in a very cold building, or house, and then walking in the sunlight and literally feeling the heat soak into your skin. It's so hard to describe this feeling of warmth that almost melts away the tense feelings of cold and of chills. As a soon to be nurse I know that it's our blood vessels opening and allowing the heat and warm blood bring life to every organ and inch of our body. Where our vessels have been constricted by cold, by shivering, by a tense, rigid guarding, it is now open, relaxed, ready to distribute the oxygen, healing cells, and warmth that flows in our blood. It is an amazing feeling of warmth and healing. I know you know what I mean so go there for a moment and read that scripture again. SEVEN TIMES BRIGHTER, LIKE THE LIGHT OF SEVEN DAYS...all in one....WOW! The healing he brings to us will be like the power, heat, and brightness of seven days of full sunshine. If you feel like you have nothing to laugh about today, my friend - LET THIS BE IT!!! But wait, it gets better... He says it's the bruises and wounds that He has inflicted. So, after some study, I have realized that it is the wounds we have allowed to come into our lives because of the choices we have made. It's the bruises we have felt on our own skin, in our own life, due to the consequences of our willful acts of sin we commit against our loving Father, against the ones we love, and against ourselves. He has allowed these inflictions, these wounds, these bruises. We have given Him no other choice; For the wonderful gift of free will and the choosing of relationship with the Father also comes with mistakes, sin, and wrong choices. So with that being said, it comes to this: The sins, the hurt, the past, the mistakes, the willful acts of hurt to others, the thoughts of choices that bring pain to lives around us, the words of death spoken through us, the unforgiveness we hold to protect our brokenness, the wishing of broken dreams on another because of jealousy and envy, the willful act of withholding love because we are uncomfortable with the vulnerability it brings, the feelings of rage directed to those who hurt us, the wishful thinking of getting even to those who injure the ones we love, the words we don't speak because it shows weakness and a need for another...all this, and so much more, He speaks to. He speaks to the sins WE have committed. He speaks to the consequences he has allowed to come because of His great love for us. He speaks to those things and says:

"The moon will shine like the sun, and the sun will be seven times brighter, like the light of seven full days when the Lord binds up the bruises of His people and heals the

wounds he inflicted."

So what is the moral of this long story? He not only binds the wounds and the pain caused by another, but He also brings healing to the bruises we cause and bring to ourselves. That, my friend, is sweet freedom, sweet freedom always waiting to be felt. Always waiting to soak into our skin and be felt by a warmth that comes with the brightness of a seven day sunlight and the strength equaling seven days of SUNSHINE ALL AT ONCE!! Heat, light, brightness - they all allow us to feel again. It's like a newness that brings a power to acomplish good things, love those around us, be a minister of peace. He knows that guilt brings the opposite. Guilt traps us, holds us back, speaks lies to our souls that says we will never move beyond this point. Guilt tells us we don't deserve to move, change, or heal. Guilt reminds us what others see, so we feel parpalized and stuck. Guilt always has a plan. His plan is to keep us in the dark, to keep the good hidden and out of reach. But today, remember this: Guilt is exposed. It is brought to the surface of our journey with the sunshine of seven days. Guilt is found guilty with a sunlight that is seven times brighter. HA! That makes me laugh!

bedside.

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. Proverbs 31:25 What does this mean really? She can laugh at the days to come? ...because from where I'm looking, there is nothing to laugh about. What I see happening all around me gives no reason to smile, much less laugh. There is such heartache, loss, and reasons for depression all around us. If you don't see it, you are turning a blind eye - choosing a coping strategy that I must admit is tempting to hold onto with a passion. Just today, a 69 year old man died in the room I was standing in. That is not unusual, being what I do for a living, but death isn't what was sad about it. It was his life that was sad. Lonely, alone, scared, fighting the inevitable while lonely and alone. I don't understand how someone can live their life for 69 years with people all around, and on this day, THE DAY, there's not one family member or friend to be at his side. It's natural that loved ones don't want to experience death, death so alive and living in a loved one right before their eyes. I can understand that. What I feel pressed to try and understand is, his life. What about his life leaves a place of empty coldness at his bedside? What about his life leaves a sadness and tears in the eyes of only strangers? What about his life, instead of happy memories spoken through tears of loss, leaves silence and a sound so quiet that it screams? What about his life makes a mark that very few miss? When I think about my life, it's not so much about me and my memories as it is the mark we are called to leave on others. The mark we are called to leave on our husband, wife, children, brother, sister, mother, father, friend, co-worker, store clerk, bank teller, garbage man, police officer, teacher, boss, enemy, opposites, people we don't like to be around, people who have wounded us, people we have nothing in common with, the adulterers, the liars, the robber, the two faced girl, the proud, the mocker, the devil worshiper, the buddhist, the slanderer, the child molester, the hungry, the poor that abuse the system, the high rollers, the rich, the sluts, the famous, the ugly, the deformed, the loud, the quiet, the ones who stink, the everyone, the everyone that walks into our days to come. Think about it. It's harder to leave a mark of kindness than it is not to. It's easier to go about your day, minding your own business, than it is to be intentional in touching and changing a life in your world. I don't think we are called to mind our own business and stay out of peoples lives..sorry, we're just not. That's an excuse for the fearful or for the selfish. Can you laugh at the days ahead? Because really, our days ahead are being determined now, today.

His lonely bedside wasn't determined the day he died. The room he died in was destined to be empty long before that day. When he stayed out of peoples business, when he chose to look away from the pain he saw in another, when he chose the easy path decorated with ribbons of comfort and lights of complacency - he chose his days ahead. He chose his bedside.

Can you laugh at the days ahead? Are you, am I, right now living a life that is sure to bring laughter? My opinion is that she could laugh at the days ahead because her life at that moment was filled to overflowing with the readiness that is needed for future laughter. Are we preparing ourselves to laugh? Are we living our life with marked intentions that are covered in love, kindness, compassion, and readiness? She knew she could laugh at the days to come because even though the world was falling down around her, she was prepared for love, ready for giving, covered in truth, confident in grace, and...clothed in strength and dignity. Destruction, famine, death, fear, loss, sickness - in the middle of it all she could tilt that head back and laugh from

a joy within. You will laugh at destruction and famine and need not fear the

beast of the earth. Job 5:21 She knew that when destruction came - she could introduce the lover of the broken, when famine came - she could give the bread of life, when death came - she had joy in the morning, when fear came - she had the sword of the spirit, when loss came - she had a friend that sticks closer than a brother, when sickness came - she had at least a mustard seed faith. She could laugh at the days to come. What brought fear and worry to those around her, she could laugh at! He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with

shouts of joy. Job 8:20 She could laugh. She was confident in her life at that moment that she could actually laugh at the days to come. Are you confident in your life before the Lord at this moment that you can laugh at the days to come. In some ways I am, but in many ways I am not. So friend, today I stand with you and agree with you, that we are going to live our life to the fullest now, so that we can laugh right now at the days to come. Confident laughter with a heart of assurance! That's what I want for you and for me.... Confident laughter that changes the lives of those around us! It's my inner experience having an outer expression! An outer expression that is changing the paths of eternal human souls, and meeting us, in the end, at our bedside.

The Holiest of Callings

Motherhood, It Will Change Your Life
Author Unknown

Time is running out for my friend. We are sitting at lunch when she casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family". What she means is that her biological clock has begun its countdown and she is being forced to consider the prospect of motherhood."We're taking a survey," she says, half jokingly. "Do you think I should have a baby?" "It will change your life," I say carefully, keeping my tone neutral."I know," she says. "No more sleeping in on Saturdays, no more spontaneous vacations..." But that is not what I mean at all. I look at my friend, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of childbirth heal, but that becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will be forever vulnerable. I consider warning her that she will never read a newspaper again without asking, "What if that had been my child?" That every plane crash, every fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will look at the mothers and wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die. I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think she should know that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will immediately reduce her to the primitive level of a she-bear protecting her cub. That a slightly urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a souffle. That the anger she will feel if that call came over a lost toy will be a joy she has never felt before. I feel I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might successfully arrange for child care, but one day she will be waiting to go into an important business meeting, and she will think about her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure he is all right. I want my friend to know that everyday routine decisions will no longer be routine. That a visit to McDonald's and a five-year-old boy's understandable desire to go the men's room rather than the women's room will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in the rest room. I want her to know that however decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother. Looking at my attractive friend, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give it up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not so much to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish his. I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor. My friend's relationship with her husband will change, I know, but not in the ways she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is always careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play "bad guy" with his son. I think she should know that she will fall in love with her husband again for reasons she would now find very unromantic. I wish my modern friend could sense the bond she will feel with other women throughout history who have tried desperately to stop war and prejudice and drunk driving. I hope she will understand why I think rationally about most issues, but become temporally insane when I discuss the threat of nuclear war to my children's future. I want to describe to my friend the exhilaration of seeing your daughter learn to hit a baseball. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real, it hurts. My friend's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret it," I say finally. Then I reach across the table, and squeezing my friend's hand, I offer a prayer for her and me and all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this holiest of callings.

My Pokey

I am so proud of my oldest son. He has a heart of gold, loves God, loves his family, and has developed standards that will protect his journey and honor his first love. He has always been a great joy to us. His joyful and happy spirit, even as a child, got me through the most difficult time in my life as I lost my dad. He is my only baby that my dad got to meet and hold, of my children. It's funny how as an infant my dad called him "pokey" because he took so stinkin long to come out, and to this day he is slow at doing most things! HA! Mike and I were tested in our faith with him. When he was a little boy, he was speculated to have JRA, and we were very scared. We prayed, in fear, and I remember Mike and I saying together that we would love and serve God, no matter what the doctors said. That was hard. From his "Cover Girl" song to his little sister to his desire to drive, he has done nothing but bring pride to his dad and I. What does the future hold? Who knows? One thing I do know, nothing in life will catapult you into faith like having a son that sits on the edge of manhood. I want him to just "get it" and not have to go though all the crap it takes for the "get it" to come! I want him to know that being kind to others is always the best choice. I want him to know that jealousy and envy only keeps you from YOUR calling. I want him to taste the joy of being an answered prayer for a person in desperate need. I want him to see that hard work is not for others, but for God and His eyes only. I want him to know that the ones we push away, we always end up needing. I want him to feel the freedom of a debt free life. I want him to experience the amazing love that a husband and wife have and how when you think the love of two in one is the best ever...you have a child! I want him to know that the bible is filled with, get to's, freedoms, uncharted paths, wide open opportunities; not, boundaries, walls, rules, and not to's. I want him to have a guilt free soul when his head hits the pillow at night. I want his love for others to come before his love for things, always. I want him to see stuff as wasting away and not worth the striving, and character as an eternal gift that can be given to our Lord one day, everyday. I want him to know when to trust his feelings and when his heart is deceiving him most. If he could master what I have yet to get: That even a fool when he is silent is considered wise, it would save him so much grief. Oh if he could just get that horrible feeling of wrongdoing when gossip shows it's destructive self in a conversation. If right now, he could understand that what is freedom for one, may not be freedom for another...and THAT'S OK, he could be spared some pain. I will tell him to respect and open the door for his date, but I want him to know what that does in a young ladies heart - it raises her standards, allowing her to see what she deserves. If he could know that touching, hugging, and speaking words of life to those around you is the greatest gift we have - just ask the blind, deaf, paralyzed and sick. So much I want him to know, taste, see, get. But, it's not for him to know right now, at least not on my timing. Life really is all about the journey through understanding all these things, isn't it? I wouldn't want to take that journey away. For it's in the journey that we fall in love with our ever loving, ever kind, ever forgiving maker, right? So here I sit, along with so many others, the mother of a fifteen year old son, hoping and praying for his journey to be as painless as possible. But I must remember always, life isn't painless. Life won't be painless for him. I must release God to do what is needed for my son to taste all the above....and that will be hard at times. I must release my God, not only his, to help me lead him in the way he should go, so that in the end, he will not depart from it. For after all, that is the most important. And most eternal.

Sunlight Making Me Laugh

The moon will shine like the sun, and the sunlight will be seven times brighter, like the light of seven full days, when the LORD binds up the bruises of his people and heals the wounds he inflicted. Isaiah 30:26

There are amazing things in the Word of God, I mean, are you kidding me right now??!! Think about it, He is making a point to show us how much power and strong energy He will put into healing our wounds, our bruises! You know those days that the sun is super hot and bright, so powerful that to even look at it, it hurts your eyes. Well, this warm feeling I am thinking of, is like this: Being in a very cold building, or house, and then walking in the sunlight and literally feeling the heat soak into your skin. It's so hard to describe this feeling of warmth that almost melts away the tense feelings of cold and of chills. As a soon to be nurse I know that it's our blood vessels opening and allowing the heat and warm blood bring life to every organ and inch of our body. Where our vessels have been constricted by cold, by shivering, by a tense, rigid guarding, it is now open, relaxed, ready to distribute the oxygen, healing cells, and warmth that flows in our blood. It is an amazing feeling of warmth and healing. I know you know what I mean so go there for a moment and read that scripture again. SEVEN TIMES BRIGHTER, LIKE THE LIGHT OF SEVEN DAYS...all in one....WOW! The healing he brings to us will be like the power, heat, and brightness of seven days of full sunshine. If you feel like you have nothing to laugh about today, my friend - LET THIS BE IT!!! But wait, it gets better... He says it's the bruises and wounds that He has inflicted. So, after some study, I have realized that it is the wounds we have allowed to come into our lives because of the choices we have made. It's the bruises we have felt on our own skin, in our own life, due to the consequences of our willful acts of sin we commit against our loving Father, against the ones we love, and against ourselves. He has allowed these inflictions, these wounds, these bruises. We have given Him no other choice; For the wonderful gift of free will and the choosing of relationship with the Father also comes with mistakes, sin, and wrong choices. So with that being said, it comes to this: The sins, the hurt, the past, the mistakes, the willful acts of hurt to others, the thoughts of choices that bring pain to lives around us, the words of death spoken through us, the unforgiveness we hold to protect our brokenness, the wishing of broken dreams on another because of jealousy and envy, the willful act of withholding love because we are uncomfortable with the vulnerability it brings, the feelings of rage directed to those who hurt us, the wishful thinking of getting even to those who injure the ones we love, the words we don't speak because it shows weakness and a need for another...all this, and so much more, He speaks to. He speaks to the sins WE have committed. He speaks to the consequences he has allowed to come because of His great love for us. He speaks to those things and says:

"The moon will shine like the sun, and the sun will be seven times brighter, like the light of seven full days when the Lord binds up the bruises of His people and heals the

wounds he inflicted."

So what is the moral of this long story? He not only binds the wounds and the pain caused by another, but He also brings healing to the bruises we cause and bring to ourselves. That, my friend, is sweet freedom, sweet freedom always waiting to be felt. Always waiting to soak into our skin and be felt by a warmth that comes with the brightness of a seven day sunlight and the strength equaling seven days of SUNSHINE ALL AT ONCE!! Heat, light, brightness - they all allow us to feel again. It's like a newness that brings a power to acomplish good things, love those around us, be a minister of peace. He knows that guilt brings the opposite. Guilt traps us, holds us back, speaks lies to our souls that says we will never move beyond this point. Guilt tells us we don't deserve to move, change, or heal. Guilt reminds us what others see, so we feel parpalized and stuck. Guilt always has a plan. His plan is to keep us in the dark, to keep the good hidden and out of reach. But today, remember this: Guilt is exposed. It is brought to the surface of our journey with the sunshine of seven days. Guilt is found guilty with a sunlight that is seven times brighter. HA! That makes me laugh!

"...that we might choose the dream of God over the dream of nations"

I read this prayer and loved it! I hope you like it too. I hope it moves you a little. I feel His heartbeat in it. I can hear God's agreement in it. What do you think?

God of of Abraham, Miriam, Hannah, Rizpah, and David…
God of Elijah, Amos, Ruth, Isaiah, Deborah…
God of Mary, John the Baptizer, Peter, Paul, Philemon and Onesimus…
God of Anthony, Ambrose, Dirk Willems, Teresa of Avila, and Francis of
Assisi,
God of Dorothy Day, Martin Luther King, Mother Teresa, William
Wilberforce, and Oscar Romero
and God of love, grace, and hope…
Thank you for creating a perfect world.
Forgive us for the mess we have made of it.
Thank you for creating Jubilee, gleaning, and Sabbath as patterns to
ensure that the poor are cared for, the earth rests, and inequality is
dismantled.
Forgive us for choosing the patterns of empire.
Thank you for using the weak things to shame the strong and the
foolish things to confound the wise.
Protect us from becoming too strong or too wise.
Protect us from ourselves.
Forgive us…
for the groaning of creation
for the millions who die of hunger and curable diseases
for warehousing people in prisons and using them for labor
for the scandal of billions wasted in war
for worrying about tomorrow and storing up more than this day our
daily bread
for an economy that mirrors the seven deadly sins
for our Caesars and our Herods
for the violence and greed in our own hearts
Save us from ourselves.
Deliver us…
from the arrogance of power
from the myth of redemptive violence
from the tyranny of greed
from the ugliness of racism
from false hope and counterfeit change
from the cancer of hatred
from the seduction of wealth
from the idolatry of nationalism
from the paralysis of cynicism
from the ghettoes of poverty
from the ghettoes of wealth
from the blood-stained pages of history
and from the legacy of slavery.
Deliver us oh God.
Give us the courage…
to bless the poor in a world that blesses the middle class.
to bless the meek in a world that admires aggression.
to bless the hungry in a world that feeds the already fed.
to bless the merciful in a world that shows no mercy on evildoers.
to bless the pure in heart in a world of clutter and noise.
to bless the peacemakers in a world that baptizes bombs.
Give us imagination…
that we might not conform to the patterns of this world.
that we might shatter indifference and interrupt injustice with grace
that we might choose the cross over the sword
that we might be as shrewd as serpents and as innocent as doves
that we might consider the lillies and sparrows as they shame Wall
Street’s splendor
that we might choose the dream of God over the dreams of nations
that we might cling to the God that so loved the world, not just America
that we might allow our Jesus to change America rather than America to
change our Jesus.
In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Amen.


Shane Claiborne is a Red Letter Christian and a founding partner of The Simple Way community, a radical faith community that lives among and serves the homeless in the Kensington neighborhood of Philadelphia. He is the co-author, with Chris Haw, of Jesus for President.