Today

OK! That's it! I'm sick of letting this powerful force of goodness deferred get the best of my days that are passing faster than I can blink! What is this thing that comes like a thief, taking time away from me, taking joy away from me, taking truth away from me? What is this thing that always knows the right times to dig it's sharp, fierce, always wanting destruction claws into my dreams, into my future, into my truth? Why does this ever present, ever lying, ever hopeless cycle always rear it's ugly head just when the weakness in me starts to gain ground? How does this powerful unseen force know when weariness has taken me to the end and when I am ready to settle, yet once again? How can this voice I hear speak louder than hope, louder than my dreams, louder than what I know to be true, louder than past experiences, louder than WHAT I WANT IN LIFE?? HOW?? Who created this enemy that desires to tear down what I have been building all my life? How can I not see what it does, who it is, why it strikes, and the good it keeps from me? And not to mention the constant pain it brings over and over and over again.... Why do I allow it's lies to take me back to the starting line when I am almost done with the race? Who informs this force when to strike, when to advance, when to destroy. How does it pick the right weapon, the right scene, the right allies, the right words EVERY TIME?? How? You disguise yourself as funny. You play the part well; making us think it's just an evil mask you put on for the show, when all the while, evil consumes you on the inside. You convince us to joke, to wave you off as harmless, as unable, as small. We all agree and laugh finding comfort in the fact that we all have relationship with you. We have all joined hands with your destructive ways. We have all believed your lies that whisper the hard truths into our ears as our dreams melt away...again, and again, and again.....Why are you here again? Why are you always lurking behind every spark of hope that gives me vision? Why are you counting the seconds to my weakest thought, weakest feeling, weakest moment and then saying just the right lies to make me give up, lose the dream, believe in my inadequacies? How do you know the odds that are stacked against me so well? Why do I hold your hand and lead you into my thoughts of fear? You are not my friend. I have to stop believing your lies. I have to stop allowing you to take me so far...just far enough to smell victory, smell my dreams, smell my truths...but never taste them. I have to stop you! This is not fun and games for you. You have a plan. You have a goal. You have a purpose. Your purpose is to keep me from my truth. Your desire is to keep me from fully being me! So, PROCRASTINATION, I call you into the ring! I must settle this score once and for all. This long fight, between you and me, is over...today.