Seeing Again

I like to think this is what God sees when I am having a hard day, a distant season, a battle with thoughts, faith, and reality. I like to think that when darkness surrounds my days and my perspective that the truth of the matter is... this picture. I like to imagine that when blue and gray are my truth... color, life, light, and a clear vision are His. If this is what He sees, it gives me power. It gives me power to believe that even though I stand surrounded by darkness, by lack of vision, by weariness, and by unanswered prayers, this truth remains: His love covers. That even though I doubt His hand, question my truth, and feed my bitterness, even still, His love covers. His love is so grand that He declares it covering a multitude of sins. So with that truth my question is this: How can we judge ourselves so strong when His love is so forgiving? Why are we so intent on grabbing our brothers covering and showcasing their darkness when God is covering it, forgiving it, redeeming it? Oh Lord, I want to see what you see. I want to be where you are. I desire light to continue its journey on revealing the truth of matters, the hardness of my heart, the past lies I believed, the now lies I believe. I am forever growing, changing, and seeing again. I want to know you cover me, and I want to know you cover others. Perfection is not the condition. The straight and narrow is not the dictator. American republican clean cut living is not the combination. The church doors are not the pearly gates. He just covers. Thank God He covers.

Towels That Look Lonely?

Untouched. Put away. Lonely. Poor Towels.

Here I sit in Texas without them (family that is, not towels). It's going on several weeks now and the lonely is setting in. Nothing is meant to be alone. No one person is meant to be alone. It's not even the big things I miss. Things like dinner together, ballgames, family gatherings, a night on the town. No, it's the little things. It's the small things in life that scream, "You are not alone!" It's the small things in life that give a gentle tap on the shoulder to say, "Hey, its really good to be alive, isn't it?" It's weird how that works. I get snatched away from my daily crazy life and I miss nothing more than my daily crazy life. The things that brought frustration, now I miss. Yelling, "KEEP THE DOOR CLOSED!" ...is now a door untouched, unmoving, silent. Time goes by and the daily events are forgotten and never shared. Even the mind and word games played by two, now I long for. The voices I shushed, I long to hear, close by and in the distant rooms. The games and toys I tripped over in frustration, I now buy and leave out just to remind myself they are coming soon. It's good to be alive when you get a hug and kiss goodnight from your 16 year old son. It's good to be alive when you see your husband chuckle at something you said, or not chuckle is more like it. Life and togetherness shout when you are soaking wet after a shower, dripping, water turned off, and...no dry towels. But now, how is it that all of the sudden a stack of perfectly folded dry clean towels look lonely and sad? Noise I tried to run from, now I look for it. Hearing "MOM!!" ...is like chocolate I crave. Enjoying a show in silence, but together, I desire. Singing children that I tell to quiet down... what is wrong with me? Dishes are clean. Floors they shine. Laundry complete. I have time to do whatever I want. Peace surrounds. All of it, well, it's just not life and so not what we all dream it will be. SO BRING IT ON! BRING ON THE unflushed toilets, the dirty clothes on the floor, tripping on shoes in the doorway, a dog barking, kids fighting, video game time limits, the whats for dinner dilemma, carpooling kids, lights staying on, water bill high, out of milk frustration, flies in the house, someone take the dog out, where's my keys, don't talk to your mother like that, stop tracking in dirt, unbrushed teeth, kids saying I'm bored in a house of entertainment provided, we need gas, use napkins for toilet paper kinda days!!! Bring it all on. Because, it means I'm not alone. It means I have a purpose. It means I am a part of something bigger than myself. Oh how good it is to be alive and see the daily expressions and life happen in the faces of those you love most. Good, bad, happy, or sad. When the road is traveled together, it is well traveled.

Bring on the Rain

Let the rain come down today. Let it make the ground ready for new growth, new things. Let it prepare for life - things living, growing, changing. I love the rain. I think I can love the rain because I know it won't always be raining. I think I can enjoy the mess it brings because the mess won't always be there. The sun will come, dry out the wet things, bring a warm heat, and renew. The rainy days group together sometimes and try to strip hope from my grasp, from my heart that is so longing for just a small taste of it. Rain reminds me that whatever I am in...won't be long. Whatever I face, won't be forever. Whatever I need, will one day be mine. So, bring on the rain. Let it get the bottom of my jeans wet with annoyance. Let it fog up my car windows, let it give me a sinus headache. Let it make me wish I was at a beach. Because, newness awaits. Redemption stands near. Hope begins its journey past my fears and small bumps in the road. So, bring on the rain. Because really, it prepares the ground for something good that I don't yet see.

Today, March 29th, 2011

Today was loud music in the car. Singing Sara, Let the Rain (see below) loud and free. Who cares who sees.

Today was picking up my daughter for lunch, a walmart run...when she was supposed to be in school. Breaking rules are fun sometimes.

Today was a long hot shower with the struggle to not splash shampoo in my cup of coffee.

Today was a fountain diet coke... from McDonald's. Because I wanted one.

Today was time with Mandy and Veronica - My soul sisters, you know, those you can be real with, and still, love and acceptance shouts past the problems we discuss.

Today was my friend reminding me how old I was...really. I'm not joking.

Today was an emotional precious phone conversation with one of my favorite people in the whole world, my Shanen.

Today was hearing my lovers voice on the phone, long distance, and missing him. Oh it's just the gift to have someone I miss so much...after just three days, and after being married 19 years.

Today was kissing the faces of the little ones I would die for goodnight. Hearing my Isabelle say she loved me "fifty million," and my Gabby say "till the end of numbers."

Today was my sixteen year old telling me about his friends... by his choice.

Today was Isaac's cheeks, in my hands.

Today is my dog curled in a ball at my feet.

Today. It was good.

Today. I am thankful.

Give Yourself Away

Refocus Sundy! Stop and just refocus! Remember Who you belong to! Remember Who is true! Move your eyes to look past the many years of traditions, the Sundays that are the same, pats on the back and impersonal smiles. Move your mouth past the songs sung robot style, the ritual response of, "I'm fine" or the fear that says, "Don't ask them that, it's none of your business." Move your ears past the judgements towards those unlike yourself, the critical finger pointing so that you can feel better about yourself, the thoughts that you know better what someone else should do, say, be....love. COME ON ALREADY! Give yourself away. And, if the people around you don't like the way you do that, how you do that, or for whom you do that. Well, really it's me that you wrestle your salvation with, there is no third person involved. What I, Sundy, want to tell you, Sundy, is this: WHATEVER YOU DO, WHERE EVER YOU ARE, PLEASE DON'T EVER FORGET THAT GIVING YOURSELF AWAY, SO THAT HE CAN USE YOU - WILL IN FACT, SET YOU FREE. Hey, little Miss Know it All - Your life is not your own...quit acting like it is.

Poop or get off the Pot!

Are there things you need to say, do, create, start, develop, say, focus on, stir up, start over, or try again? We delay, procrastinate, make excuses, worry, and weight options. We take too long doing this. I think that if we are not doing anything, no matter how we phrase it, we are making a decision. What I'm trying to say, I think, is this: Not making a decision is making one. Not making a decision is saying no, is turning down the opportunity, is passing it up. This - is making a decision. So, really, you can only sit on the excuse, "we are in the middle of making a decision" for so long. Poop or get off the pot because you soon may no longer have the option. The opportunity may just pass. Things may change, they always do. As for now, you have made your choice.

I am so rambling. This word is for me and all the "need to do's in my life. I just had to blog it. Hoping I'm not the only one! :)

I ask anyway

For those of you who know me know my actions are far removed from this prayer I pray below. But that's what walking with Christ is all about, right? Wanting actions, passions, heart cries, circumstances, directions to be different - so we pray. We ask. We hope. I stand unworthy of all His help. It doesn't matter much how unworthy I am at this point. Or how unworthy I feel. He calls me His daughter so I ask anyway. I want Him to do this in me in 2011.

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me

Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity

Start

This song reminds me of my wonderful husband of 19 years, and our relationship in a way. At least where we are right now. There is a life changing decision we made recently to move our family to Texas. What we both have been feeling about our current situation needed to be discussed, needed to be shared, needed to be heard. It was talking in times of struggle and times of uneasiness that has started our path of change, path of hearing. Just me, him, our messy bedroom and tears. Trying to make it work. Inevitable unemployment. Mad situation as we say and do things in frustration. Talking about how we can't find the time. How did we get in this mess? Is it Gods test? It's our fault. These times are hard, and we are doing our best. Someone help us, we must be alone in this. Are we? But we're gonna start by talking. We need to say things we haven't said in a while. Things like, "You are beautiful, I need you. I'm not happy here. My desires have changed. I think I am different. Do you even know me anymore? You bring me joy. You are a kill joy. I love to kiss you. Your breath stinks. You still make me laugh. That wasn't funny.You need to stop doing that. I need to stop saying that. You act different. I still love your smile." Our belly's have grown, but even more important so has our love. So has our ability to communicate that love.... even after 19 years. Like it's the first time, we need to speak of this change we want, this dream we have, this hope; that although small can create change. Though small creates more hope. Smiling with more reasons for tears. My head is high when his isn't. His compassion is strong when mine is gone. His eyes see goodness while I feel depression. Trying to make it work when it hurts. Actually making it work when it hurts, is hard. Marriage is not easy. Marriage is worth it's work, though. I will put money on that. We each change. How do I change with your change? Where do we go from a chapter closed? Getting kicked to the dirt and not taking it out on each other - is that even possible? So we need to START. Start by saying things that we haven't said in a while, like it's the first time. How did we talk so much before - you know, while we were dating? Is it possible to have those feelings again? I want to. Smiling with him, when tears represent what's evident in our life - is an amazing feeling. Laughing while you know tears are saving themselves for another day is the most fantastic trick on the human mind and it's ability to move on. Step forward. Hold hands. After 19 years - I feel like it could be the first time. Oh how these times are hard and they're making us crazy, but after 19 years I will never give up. I will promise to start by talking.

Just you and him. When the house is quiet, or when the daily noises of the home ring loud. When the moment is right, or when knocks of little fingers breaks the flow. When the bedroom is filled with piles of laundry and dirty cups at the unmade bedside. When the banking account is empty, along with the pantry. When he says things that you don't see in actions, or just when you see the wrong actions - in it all, start by talking. And when the talking turns into anger, walking out, yelling out things you don't mean, feeling rage inside, wondering if he or she will ever understand you. Stop. Stop, and then start again. Start by talking. These times are hard. And I admit - they have made me crazy at times. I won't give up. Don't give up. Start.

boom boom boom YOU'RE even brighter than the moon moon moon

When it's truth, it's truth. No matter who sings it! My family knows that I'm not a big fan of Katy Perry, but I love this song! I love the message that it shouts! I love the fact that these words of hope, empowerment, and second chances didn't originate with her or any of us for that matter. Yet, these words of hope, empowerment, second chances, dreaming big, and starting fresh came from our Father who lives IN us and who loves us. So YES, today I am laughing at myself by doing what will make some people roll their beautiful little eyes at me: I am taking a Katy Perry song and making it a message from God to us. Well, because the words and the truth that rings out in this song, about you and about me, is a message from God and originates from God! Read Below.

In the same way, let your light SHINE before men that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven. Matt 5:16

You are the LIGHT of the world. A CITY ON A HILL cannot be hidden. Matt 5:14

...in which you SHINE like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life. Phil 2:15

Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will do this: He will make your righteousness SHINE like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday SUN. Psalm 37:5

May God be gracious to us and bless us and make His face SHINE upon us. Psalm 67:1

Arise, SHINE. Isaiah 60:1

The LIGHT of the righteous SHINES BRIGHTLY. Prov 13:9

No one LIGHTS a lamp and hides it in a jar or puts it under a bed. Instead, he puts it on a stand, so that those who come in can see the light. Luke 8:16

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard-pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 2 Cor 4:7&16

Hope you enjoy the song like Gabby, Isabelle, and I do. Now, if you will excuse me, my girls and I have a bed to dance on, a volume button to turn up, and a hairbrush to use as a microphone. "BOOM BOOM BOOM EVEN BRIGHTER THAN THE MOON MOON MOON!"

He Waits for the Perfect Timing

I love that He waits for the perfect timing. I love that He knows better when the road should curve and when the potholes will stop us..for a while. Just a while. Long enough for us to understand for a moment that He waits for the perfect timing. I love that a word in season isn't determined by the speaker of that word, yet it is being held in the hand of the Lover of our Souls until the magical words of mystery and life are able to do the full work in the passions of the receiver. And at that moment, and because of that moment, the receiver knows, He waits for the perfect timing. I love that when our human minds argue that we have been forgotten, time moves us on, our vision becomes clear, and then we see it, we know it, He waits for the perfect timing. I love that when life has worn me out and my everyday looks like the one before, I cry out and something happens. It may not be that day, but someday in a moment created by Him, newness becomes alive and living and it rushes into my being making hope almost tangible. And when hope becomes tangible, we know, He waits for the perfect timing. I love that sadness doesn't destroy me. It doesn't destroy me because in my grief his presence lifts me up to a place of relationship, of friendship that seems to always come. It comes when my heart is open, ready to be vulnerable, ready to be changed. And because readiness is determined by the one who loves us most, I know, He waits for the perfect timing. He knows the journey. He knows the struggles. He knows the tricks that sway us off coarse. He knows the potholes, the bumps, the obstacles. He knows. He sees. He has not forgotten me. He has not written me off. He doesn't draw a line in the sand and say, "this far is too far." He waits for the perfect timing. There is one thing that you and I can be certain of and that is this: For you, right now, in your thoughts, in your circumstances, in your doubts, fears, failures, and do overs, He waits for the perfect timing. I don't know when that perfect timing is, you don't know when that perfect timing is, no one does. In this struggle you are in, in the questions yet unanswered you will know soon enough that, He waits for the perfect timing. So trust. Ask Him how to trust. Ask Him how to wait. Ask Him how to believe, because His timing is never late, never early, never wrong. His timing is perfect. His timing will be like a glass of cold water for the thirsty, like rays of sunshine for the chilled, like a soft glow of light for the one surrounded in darkness. So hold on. Don't give up. Don't lose hope. His perfect timing is on the way. On the way to do a perfect thing.

Miracles

It's really just all relative. I don't mean to sound rude, but your view and judgement of the situation really means nothing to me. After all, it's my miracle, and it's my God that performed it..for ME! It's funny how we try to make everything fit in a human, easy to understand, box. One day we will all be able to see just how far away our man-made box of limitations was from reality, from how things really are. I have a little hunch that we are way off, though. We place sins in categories based on the consequences they bring. Some, are so off of the narrow path that we wonder how the guilty find their way back. Other mishaps are more popular and easier to fall into, so those, well they're not so bad since we all have them in common. But, I don't want to write about our human placement of sin categories, because frankly, I don't care what your human mind thinks of my actions. I fear the Lord. He is all I fear. No, what I can't get out of my mind is our categories of miracles. A miracle is a miracle if it's the work of our God. So, you've never been in debt. Today, I paid off one of my biggest mistakes of a credit card debt I've ever made. So, you've never been overweight. As of today, I've lost 10 lbs. You rejoice because you have been married for 18 years and have a happy successful family, and that is your miracle. Today, I said goodbye to a relationship who kept me from freedom. You walk, run, and enjoy a healthy body. Today, I chose to accept that I was born to minister from this chair. You got kisses and affection from your father growing up. You know what it feels like to sit protected in the strong arms of your protector. Not me. But today, I saw my husband hold my baby and watched a generational curse lose the battle it swore it would win. You smile, look people in the eye, and walk with a head high in confidence. Today, I introduced myself to someone for the first time. You have never known clutter, and as a busy mother with depression knocking on the door of my mind, I rejoice in the organization of one room. Today is the first day that I haven't had a drink. I was genuinely happy when someone else lived out my dream. You speak those words so simple, I finally said them. There are miracles all around us. We label them. God does not. We put miracles in a box. And because of that, we miss so many. So many pass by without us seeing them, feeling them, tasting the joy that they bring. There are no categories of miracles. They are all given by the hand of our loving Daddy who wants good things for his people. You have always believed in His goodness, and that is a miracle. But, today, for the first time, I see He is good to me. Miracles are too precious and needed in our daily lives to put them in a box and label them according to our human perspective. What is a miracle to you, is just that, a miracle. What a miracle is to me, is just that, a miracle. The lame walk, the blind see, the lost are saved!! ...and, I just chose to love and forgive someone for the first time. It's the daily, often unnoticed miracles that shape us, create us, change us, and drive us. It's the daily miracles that impact those around us. Why do we take those and place them in a box with labels? The daily ways that he reminds us of His love, His truth, His promises, and His power should never be categorized by our human minds and labeled according to our feeble opinions. Nothing God does for us, in us, through us, and because of us should be placed in a box with a label. Big or small, loud or quiet, out in the open or in the quiet of your soul, it's a miracle just the same.

Today

OK! That's it! I'm sick of letting this powerful force of goodness deferred get the best of my days that are passing faster than I can blink! What is this thing that comes like a thief, taking time away from me, taking joy away from me, taking truth away from me? What is this thing that always knows the right times to dig it's sharp, fierce, always wanting destruction claws into my dreams, into my future, into my truth? Why does this ever present, ever lying, ever hopeless cycle always rear it's ugly head just when the weakness in me starts to gain ground? How does this powerful unseen force know when weariness has taken me to the end and when I am ready to settle, yet once again? How can this voice I hear speak louder than hope, louder than my dreams, louder than what I know to be true, louder than past experiences, louder than WHAT I WANT IN LIFE?? HOW?? Who created this enemy that desires to tear down what I have been building all my life? How can I not see what it does, who it is, why it strikes, and the good it keeps from me? And not to mention the constant pain it brings over and over and over again.... Why do I allow it's lies to take me back to the starting line when I am almost done with the race? Who informs this force when to strike, when to advance, when to destroy. How does it pick the right weapon, the right scene, the right allies, the right words EVERY TIME?? How? You disguise yourself as funny. You play the part well; making us think it's just an evil mask you put on for the show, when all the while, evil consumes you on the inside. You convince us to joke, to wave you off as harmless, as unable, as small. We all agree and laugh finding comfort in the fact that we all have relationship with you. We have all joined hands with your destructive ways. We have all believed your lies that whisper the hard truths into our ears as our dreams melt away...again, and again, and again.....Why are you here again? Why are you always lurking behind every spark of hope that gives me vision? Why are you counting the seconds to my weakest thought, weakest feeling, weakest moment and then saying just the right lies to make me give up, lose the dream, believe in my inadequacies? How do you know the odds that are stacked against me so well? Why do I hold your hand and lead you into my thoughts of fear? You are not my friend. I have to stop believing your lies. I have to stop allowing you to take me so far...just far enough to smell victory, smell my dreams, smell my truths...but never taste them. I have to stop you! This is not fun and games for you. You have a plan. You have a goal. You have a purpose. Your purpose is to keep me from my truth. Your desire is to keep me from fully being me! So, PROCRASTINATION, I call you into the ring! I must settle this score once and for all. This long fight, between you and me, is over...today.

Finding Flowers in a Field of Pretty Weeds

Oh, He covers us. There is always something greater happening. There is always something beautiful blooming. There is always so much more than meets the eye for us. This world is glorious, but it's really just like pretty weeds. They are pretty, but they are still just weeds. The something deeper, something greater, something unseen is the Father covering us and helping us find the flowers. Have you found the flowers in your field of pretty weeds? Have you ever wondered why every day there is at least one reason to smile? Does joy sneak up on you at odd moments; you know, the thought comes out of the blue and BOOM! ...your laughing, out loud, and alone? Does something happen because of a super dumb choice you made and yet somehow you are spared the worse consequences of that mistake? Have you ever prayed so hard for a sunny day and wake up to find that the 100% chance of thunderstorms is the most beautiful sunshine that you have ever seen? Do you ever ask God for something silly only to see it wrapped in a blessing and a tear a few weeks later...along with the reminder that you actually did ask God for that? Is the love of your life somehow so different than you, yet so perfect for you all at the same time? I know you know what I mean when I say: Has envy spoke it's destructive lies of selfishness only to be catapulted out like a rock in a slingshot because His love for you alone became so clear, so personal? Have you ever needed a friend... and one calls? Have you ever felt unworthy, useless, and unsuccessful; you know, just blah and dead to empowerment... and then right there in that place where the feeling is so raw, along comes a word in season that speaks life to those dead places again... but this time, there are flowers where there used to be just pretty weeds? Has your passion and zest for life come face to face with your weariness and repeated struggles, and as you watch the passion and zest get it's butt kicked there still remains a little on the floor to be swept up and made into something stronger than before? Did that call come just in time? Has a hug ever been just what you longed for that you melt in the arms of someone so dear, so needed? Did someone ever kiss you on the forehead or the cheek, you know - someone had to express their love for you and words - well, they just weren't enough? Can you believe how kind words build YOU up almost more than the person they are spoken to? Has a situation been headed for complete disaster in your life and then in comes a lifeline to prove He still hears you call out, and He still sees your bended knee? Do you always get what you deserve? Has what goes around always made it's way around to you? Have you felt the heavy weight of conviction but as confession moves through you like an obedient force, newness changes everything and you never go back? Has an answered prayer ever been disguised as an unanswered prayer... it's like God's secret surprise that comes just when you need it? Have you ever watched your child sleep knowing that in the quiet of that moment you are touching the soft skin of a breathing living miracle? How many times have you laughed so hard you cry, and will you not do it again? He covers us. May we always know, in the good times and bad, that He covers us. They measure their worth by the money in their pockets and the names that they speak. They measure their victory by competition with the weaker. They find their acceptance in a performance that will be forgotten. They search for meaning in a world so small it's held in the hand of the one who covers us. He covers us. We find meaning in the one who covers us. We find victory in the one who covers us. We know acceptance through the one who covers us. Our worth is measured by the one who covers us. He is always protecting, always providing, always shielding, always covering. For us, He is always taking what is meant for evil and making it good...... always helping us find the flowers in a field of pretty weeds.

Depression

When you are happy, but sadness fills my soul, I will lift up my eyes. As you rejoice in a place of comfort and I haven't felt the warmth of the sun, I will lift up my eyes. When my path, not yours, takes a painful turn I didn't expect, I will lift up my eyes. When you sit and smile at the future, but I can't see past today, I will lift up my eyes. The loneliness in my head screams louder than your room of relationships, so I will lift up my eyes. A heart of steadfastness I cannot find. So as you raise your hands high at the finish line, I will lift up my eyes. While your peace is like a river, my thoughts are like a storm; violent, unforgiving, and with a dangerous goal, so I will lift up my eyes. Confidence is the lifter of your head, and my shame drags me lower, and then lower still, so I have to, I have to lift up my eyes. A harvest you see, and I am glad for that, but for me, my hands are too tired to till the ground, so I will lift up my eyes. You can see and hear the fans. They are screaming words of strength and encouragement along your way. I see my sidelines. There are disappointed fingers, pointing, wondering where I am going as I lose my way, so I will lift up my eyes. You sing loud your songs of freedom, all the while I hear the clanging of these chains that grip so tight, holding my dreams down, far down, so I will lift up my eyes. Motivation and money hunt you down and find its funnel in you. Motivation and money hide from me, knowing this vessel is damaged, no good for abundance, so I will lift up my eyes. You see life through colors so glorious. I see those colors too, but I can't get to them, I can't touch them. I just want to touch them. Oh how I want to feel them, but I'm scared. I'm scared to look at life through bright colors, I fear disappointment will bring it's promise to shatter, it's promise to grow, it's promise to change me, so I will lift my eyes. Bravery is your power while fear is my whisperer; telling of the limits, the limits you don't see, you don't hear, so I will lift up my eyes. You dance on darkness and tear down it's agenda, while I taste it's plans for me, agree to it's plans for me... everyday, so I will lift up my eyes. In the middle of depression so real, so evident, so here, I will lift up my eyes. I will lift up my eyes. For where does my help come from? Where is my help found? In the middle of torture that lords from within where is my helper, where is my friend? I cry out ,where is my help? ...and then I hear it. I hear the words that are spoken to my heavy soul, and to the heavy souls of many. I hear these twelve words and I am made new, maybe not at once, but it starts. The newness starts when the small seed of redemption shouts louder than my depression. This redemption shouts, "My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth." ...and so I say it, until I believe it.

God is Able! Thanks Shanen!

My daughter Shanen is OH SO WISE! Read her blog and be encouraged!

http://your-sweet-spot.blogspot.com/2010/05/god-is-able.html

His Mercies Don't Remember

His mercies are new every morning! They don't carry over from the day before. They don't run out when the limit has been reached. They don't worry about coming too soon; you know, too close from the last obvious mercy delivery. They don't wait for just the right time, or show up late apologizing. They don't skip a day, skip a season, or skip a person based on the circumstances involved. His mercies don't think ahead of time and schedule it's debut. They don't hold back and gain strength for the "important things." They don't think, "You know, if I give today, I may have to hold back tomorrow." And, although I may feel like the Sundy category is all used up in the mercy department...well, they don't remember. His mercies don't remember the day before. His mercies will never remember the days before. So, go ahead, keep your counts of grace. Let your brain number His good deeds towards you. Let your heart try to measure His great love that frees you. Allow your soul to remember His promises revealed. But, as for His mercies; they don't remember. They don't remember because they are NEW every morning. When something is new it is at that moment in it's most powerful form. It's able to do and be all it was created to do and be. It's new. Unused. Untouched. Full strength. New strength. When something is new it's like it never was. It's new! So, reason away His mercy all you want. It won't work, it can't work. They don't remember, they are new every morning. Hey, I didn't say it, He did!

The Beach Scene & The War Zone

We have to believe people can change, we just have to. We are going against everything that hope stands for when we believe that people are who they are and there is no way they can change. Where is the joy in life, really, if we think we are all just stuck. I have heard a lot of people in my lifetime say,"People don't change, in their core, they are who they are." What a lie! The lie exposed is this: I want to believe I can change and choose to not extend that same grace, that same hope to someone else. In the core of who we are, we have to believe that people can change. It's a tricky mixed bag though...because in the middle of knowing they can change we have to learn to love them with a love that looks past the "stuck" part. I have some stuck parts! The stuck parts of our lives are hard to deal with, don't ya think? It's like on one side of your brain you have this beach scene: breeze blowing, perfect temperature, relaxing in the sun... Then, on the other side there is disorganization: guns firing, thunder, lighting, storms everywhere, and just over all chaos. The stuck parts are also hard because that's what others see so often. We try to throw our beach out there, but without fail, the stuck side shows itself, and it always will. So here I am, admitting to be stuck in some areas of my life. In realizing that I am stuck I must realize others are too. The tricky part comes with the dreaded PRIDE word. You see, the tricky part comes when our friends and family's stuck parts are different than our own. The place in this journey where we think people can't change is when they are dealing with something, or are "stuck" in something, that we don't understand or don't struggle with ourselves. You see extending grace for someone should not be based upon the place they are stuck at. Believing in what hope stands for doesn't only have it's power in certain circumstances. You see, with hope it's black or white. Here is how it is; either you believe people can change or you don't. Either you believe your stuck places are like their stuck places, or not. There are no categories of sin in the eyes of God. A heart that loves himself more, just simply loves himself more. A stuck place in you is like a stuck place in me. One thing is for sure, I'm working hard on what surrendering those stuck places look like. I know in my heart that I can be unstuck. So with an unwavering hope I believe I can change. With an unwavering hope, I need to believe you can change, even if your beach scene is my war zone and your war zone is my beach scene. It's called hope people, and it's for EVERYONE!

"Falling Slowly" - Hope in Song Form!

"Take this sinking boat and point it home, we've still got time. Raise your hopeful voice, you have a choice, you make it now." I love this song, it just touches me. It's hope all wrapped up in song form. It's a song of hope, because even when a boat is sinking, it can point towards home. Anyone can change and things can always get better. "You have suffered enough and warred with yourself, it's time that you won."

Gently Lean In

You gotta gently lean into the feelings...

What good does it do to walk away, shove them down, or ignore their existence? You gotta gently lean into the reality of what you are feeling at the important moments in your life. Rushing in and falling victim to the damage those feelings bring is never good, and frankly only leads to hurting others. Walking away just subjects our hearts to hardness, hardness that only gets harder the further we walk away. Shoving them down is like filling our mind and soul with explosives that sit, waiting for the fire, the match, the one flicker that will make it all blow...and we all know it will blow, it has to. All it takes is the right ingredients at the right time, and there it is, for all to see - years of shoving it down all in one explosion. Ignoring it is an option that is just a fantasy because really, if it touches us or changes us it is humanly impossible to ignore it - God didn't make us that way. Jesus was perfect, and even He couldn't ignore what moved Him, changed Him, redirected Him. Even He chose to gently lean into the feelings. He didn't rush in and hurt those around Him, looking for blame. He didn't ignore it or shove it down or even walk away. He gently leaned into His pain and the pain of others. Gently leaning into the pain we cause, feel, and experience isn't being a coward, it's choosing life, it's choosing freedom. You see, gently leaning in helps us to deal appropriately in a crisis, in a time of need, during intense feelings. It allows us to make the most out of an important moment when actions hold power, so much power. When actions have the ability to steal away what we need most, each other. Leaning in gently is allowing wisdom to be your leader as it demands that pride, selfish ambitions, and the ability to damage someone sit in the back seat. Gently leaning into the feelings is allowing good to rise up. It's allowing good to rise up in great times, and in hard times. Gently leaning into the feelings is powerful, being of strong mind, having self control, and loving others more than yourself. So, my friend, when you want to rush in, slow down. When you want to ignore the feelings, at that moment expose the lie that you even have the ability to do that. When you want to shove it down, remember what having a peace of mind and heart taste like. When you want to walk away, remember you and the person involved, and know, remind yourself, right there, in that moment that relationships are eternal and is more important then doing what is easier to do. Because really, as easy as leaning in sounds, it's one of the hardest things we can do. Coping, being in touch with the truth, going to those places that hurt so bad is difficult. That's why we need therapist and doctors to help take us there. Leaning into your feelings is brave. It's right. It's needed more, in you and in me. Rushing in, waking away, shoving it down, or thinking you can ignore it is like inviting a cancer to live deep inside us and destroy us, change us. It's allowing that cancer to bring death to who we are, who we were created to be. It's allowing that cancer to kill us slowly. The effects of not gently leaning is passed down, down to the children we love. We don't choose for it to be passed down, but if we live in it, they live in it. If we do all but gently lean in, the reality of it is, they will too. So, be free today to lean in. Lean into your feelings, good or bad, with boldness and compassion, with intensity and purpose, with intentions and peace. Lean into your feelings and know that in leaning in we take back what was stolen, we taste victory where defeat once lorded over us, we see the light of hope where despair has blinded us. When we lean in we are healthy in body, mind, and spirit. When we lean in we are choosing freedom for ourselves and for the generations to come. We get to be free, free from bitterness, unforgiveness, shame, the past, the words spoken over us, to us and about us. We get to be free from mistakes, pain so heavy that it brings physical sickness. We get to be free... and I believe it starts with just gently leaning in.

The Now

What Will Never Be Again is Happening Now!
I am sitting at Buffalo Wild Wings waiting on a friend after driving down the street that connects my nursing school and all the restaurants we hung out at. Memories are both happy and sad, don't ya think? They are happy because, well, you had the experiences, the relationships, the laughter, and the talks. They are sad because a season is over and those days, like they were, like you were, will never return again. Things change, circumstances change, seasons change, and people change. I think it's so awesome how some of your dearest friends are people you didn't even know a few years back. That's so exciting because that means there are more to come; relationships that is. It's awesome how time, life's experiences and choices place people together, relationships together, and life's joyous moments together. I guess what I am thinking is to be learned while in this reminiscing state of mind is this: Soak up every moment, with every person, every time you are with them. Whether it be your husband, wife, children, mom, dad, sister, brother, friend, classmate, coworker, grandparent, or even times alone, enjoy the nows in your life. Always looking ahead, always dreaming of what could be, what may be, or what you want it to be, takes away from the NOW and the priceless joy and satisfaction of what will never be again. What will never be again is happening now. Dear mother of a newborn: What will never be again, is happening now. Right now, this child will let you rock him to sleep in the quiet of the sleepless night. Dear father of four: Right now your kids play in the living room without hiding any part of their personality from you. They are just there, to be with you, trusting you. Dear young adult: Right now you have a choice, so many choices, that will lead you to your destiny. Right now is a new start, just you and your dreams. Dear newlyweds: Right now you have the love of your life to yourself to learn more about what makes them live strong, and what brings fear. Dear elderly woman: Right now, you hold wisdom, knowledge, and words of direction for those lost along their way. You have seen so much pain and joy, we can learn from you. So friends, lift up your head, breathe deep, and soak it in. Ask God to not let a moment escape you. This world and all it throws at us is moving so fast. One season is sure to be the next before we know it. Be in the moment. Desire to be where you are. Allow yourself to notice, be fully engaged, and soak in the people, the smiles, the funny moments, the intense feelings, and the original mishaps. Allow yourself to fully enjoy what lies in this moment, in the right now; because, what will never be again is happening now, and I want to remember every part of it.